Good Luck Anna

Christmas

Anna

     Waking on Christmas morning with my head on Thomas' chest and his arm around my waist should be pure bliss but instead a wave of deep sorrow crashes into me, drowning in it. A hard sob rattles out of me, awakening Thomas in the process.

  "Babe, are you aright?" his rough morning voice is soothing, not enough to stop the tears but it helps a little.

   Shaking my head against his chest, I feel his big hand cup my jaw thumb lightly brushing my cheekbone. "Edward said that the first ones are the worst but how does this get any better. How does it ever not hurt."

  "Don't know, Anna. Feels like I've been stabbed through the heart." Is all Thomas manages to respond before rolling onto his side cocooning me in both his strong arms.

  It only takes a few moments for his hot tears to begin landing on my head, combined with heart-breaking whimpers. Making my need to comfort Thomas rocket through the roof.

   Squeezing my arms around his chest pulling us as close as we can possibly get, holding onto each other with every ounce of strength inside us. Sometimes no words need to be shared, when all you want is to have a good cry so that's what we did.

   After last week's skive session from school, Thomas inevitably went home to an implosion of rage. His mother is a brutal bitch, which just reaffirms that her and dad would be perfect for each other.

   He phoned me later that night in an awful state, it took me hours to calm him down. Afterwards I'd told him he could stay here whenever and for as long as he wants.

  This has led to me cramming all my underwear into one drawer so he can have one in case we get caught short again.

  Things of Thomas' litter my room, it feels more homely with his aftershave on my dresser and his dad's ring on my bedside table.

  Combine that with me constantly forgetting that my knickers have moved, to be met with his spare uniform and jeans, has brought a smile to my face every time I've done it.

   When school broke up four days ago, he made it painfully clear how little he wanted to spend time in the presence of his mother, so I insisted he come here and has yet to show any desire to leave.

   Not that Alex or I want that of him. I've not told Alex about his shit mother, but get the feeling he knows the signs, that's why he is always happy to have him stay even if it means sharing a bed with his little sister.

   Thomas was meant to go to his mother's company Christmas party last night but when attempting to leave I got to witness my first ever Thomas panic attack.

   It terrified me at first, until I remembered the method, he has used on me multiple times at this point, bringing him back down.

   After that I dragged him back to my room and sat on his knees reassuring him that he didn't have to leave we were happy for him to stay with us.

   He only gave few feeble attempts as rebuttal. "It's Christmas" gave me a laugh. Like anyone in this house has any chance of being happy today.

   Agreeing with my obvious logic, knowing full well he will be in the same boat as us was what cinched it. Thomas called his dad who seemed disappointed but strangely understanding.

  I'm glad for it or he would be dealing with all of this pain alone, I honestly couldn't bear the thought of that. As they say misery loves company.

   Suddenly, it smacks me like a slap to the face, I think I'm in love with Thomas. 

   No, I know I am. I love Thomas...