Good Luck Anna

A Past Life

TW- verbal abuse from a parent

Stepping into school fully understanding how Alex feels when he said that guilt was eating him alive as its currently wrapped around my heart using it like a squeaky toy.

Should have apologised to him right away, Why didn't I just follow him out and make sure that he knew I didn't mean it. I'm so inside my own head that I almost walk face first into George Finley.

He sneers at me before dodging out of my way like I have the plague. Glad to know that he is still mindful of Alex's warning, even although he doesn't go to here anymore.

Remembering my last interaction with George is easy since its seared into my brain thanks to that whole day being a complete shit show from the start.

Mum was away looking after great Aunt Sybil in Belfast, so we were left in dad's care, which meant that we fended for ourselves since he rarely made any effort to come home, more often than not choosing to stay in London than make the trip back to make sure his children were still alive.

This particular morning, he was home and stuck in the same house as us while he waited for a tow truck to come for his car that had decided not to start earlier on.

I was hiding in the living room when Alex headed past the door, a momentary distraction meant I missed my chance to warn him that dad was still here and in a shit mood.

Dad's voice instantly raised when his favourite verbal punching bag walked into the room. Twenty minutes later he was still screaming at Alex. Frustratingly dad never does this when mum is around as she wouldn't tolerate it for a second.

Over the years I have tried to stop his tirade but it just gets refocused on me, so Alex has insisted that I keep out of it since last time I cried so hard that I threw up.

"For fucks sake give it a rest dad!" Alex's unexpected roar makes me jump. Alex is generally a bit grumpy before his morning coffee so it comes as no surprise to me that his patience has snapped.

"Don't you fucking speak to me like that, you little bastard." His voice bellows through our otherwise silent house causing my anxiety to spike.

Alex thunders past the door and up the stairs, I quickly scramble after him not wanting to be next on dad's hit list. He slams his door when I'm at the top of the stairs, it doesn't stop me slipping into his room just in time to witness him scream into his pillow.

"You feel better now?" I ask

He drops the pillow back to his bed, grumbling "no" then sighs "let's just get the earlier train, leave him to stew in his own foul mood."

I nod happy to get out of this house, doesn't hurt that being earlier for school meant avoiding George and that was simply thrilling.

Was feeling pretty pleased with myself when I made it to my last class without encountering him. Overjoyed at my first day since I started here where I haven't been subjected to George's cruelty.

After class, my teacher asked me to return a book to the library, I was almost safely out of the building when George appeared from around the corner smiling viciously while he stalked toward me until my back hit the lockers.

George cages me in with his arms as my body turns to stone. It's baffling that this all began because he asked me out and I said no. He instantly branded me a whore -I am aware of the irony- and things just ramped up from there.

I'm too busy in my head to register whatever hate George is spewing, a fact he seems to notice when he slams me into the lockers.

The resulting noise echos around the empty hallway and my head feels kind of fuzzy with the impact. I'm so discombobulated that it takes me a moment to register Alex bolting down the corridor toward us.

George's grip is ripped from me, as Alex's fist swiftly connects with George's jaw. He slams into the locker eyes wide with terror at my usually mild-mannered brother hovering over him like he has been possessed by a demon.

Alex turns to me rage rolling off him in waves. "Are you alright?" I nod but treacherous tears slip down my face. "Is this the first time this has happened?"

I should lie since by the looks of things his day hasn't improved from the verbal lashing he took this morning but even while I contemplate lying my head begins to shake.

He turns on George throwing two more punches into his face one of which bursts his lip. Alex drags him back to his feet snarling, "If you so much as breathe in my sisters direction again, I'll make sure that you wish you were never born." Alex isn't a violent or angry person, quite the opposite, considering the amount of bullshit he silently absorbs from dad on the regular.

Clearly the extended exposure to dad has just pushed him over the edge.

"Alexander Thomson, my office now!" Of course, now is when principal Harrison makes an appearance. Not once for the months this has been happening, has anyone been around for help but now, here he fucking is. Alex gabs my elbow pulling me along with him. Leaving a bloody George behind.

An hour later thankfully due to my repeated bullying at George's hands, Alex seems to be getting let off with just a weeks suspension. Dad was called into the school for the meeting but he was "too busy at work" to come check on me so the meeting was held through phone instead.

I can tell by how tense Alex is that he is just as aware as I am that we are royally fucked once we get home. This morning's roasting will be a walk in the park compared to what is coming our way.

Dad has one rule that must never be broken and that is never call him at work.

When dad got back, that night at half eight we were summoned with a scream, his venom coats us for over an hour. Alex is hammered -I heard him rattling around in the wine cellar while I worked on my mountain of homework- so everything seems to just be rolling off him. It's truly stunning that dad doesn't even notice that his son needs to be drunk to be in his presence.

It is probably for the best since I don't really want him to be arrested for murdering our dad.

When we are dismissed, I feel two inches tall and like it was exclusively my fault for being bullied.

Once we get to the hallway that separates our rooms, Alex pulls me I to a long hug, and firmly is not a little slurred says, "ignore everything that dipshit just said to you. That Finley prick deserved what he got and with how shite today has been I can tell you he got off lightly so don't you dare feel bad for what happened. I would do it all over again and much worse if it meant protecting you." He drops a kiss into my hair then stumbles off to his room.

I tried not to let dad's words affect me, but they festered all night slowly eating away at me.

Just remembering that day alone increases how ridiculously stupid I feel for thinking that he has ever loved us.