Good Luck Anna

Sweet Sixteen

   On Wednesday it's my dreaded 16th birthday when I creep into the living room the ceiling is covered with teal balloons, half the three seater couch covered with beautifully wrapped presents, bows and ribbons everywhere.

  Alex almost walks straight into me as he tries to wrestle a pair of giant gold 16 balloons through the doors. When they squeak against me, he pops his head between the one and six, confusion on his face. "Oh... morning. You're up early."

  "Yeah... was just so excited to start the day." My voice is sullen quite like my mood. He fights through the balloons to pull me into his arms.

   "I know none of us ever thought she wouldn't be here for this and I am so fucking sorry for that... Mum was so proud of you, I hope you know that... I am too, you saved me little dragonfly." Alex's old pet name, is what sends me over the edge resulting in Edward finding us both sobbing, huddled on the floor.

  When Edward crumples down next to us, he holds us both until we all run out of tears, I feel wrung out, unbearably exhausted. My only desire right now is to go back to bed.

  "The firsts are always the worst, it will never not hurt but over time the pain will lessen I can promise you that." Edward's so heartfelt that it's almost believable.

   Since we're such a mess Edward allows us all a free pass from work, which I know everyone is thankful for, not a chance in hell would I be able to smile for anyone right now. What a miserable birthday.

   Eventually we manage to drag ourselves from the floor, Alex gets me some chamomile tea and asks if I would rather be alone to open my gifts. My first thought is that I'd die if left alone right now so instead I just take a page from Alex's book shaking my head, clinging to his hand.

  We sit side by side on the sofa, Edward on Alex's usual chair next to us – we all look like complete shit- I don't want to open any of these presents, I know that pain will exist in most of them but having what remains of my family left around me makes it mildly easier.

   The first one I open assuming it will be a safe bet is my dress, it's as lovely as I remember and the new silver glittery heels to match are equally nice. Edward gets me perfume with a few cute new tops but it's the two small square boxes that are going to break my heart. The temptation to tell them to just keep them is great.

  Taking in a deep breath before shredding the paper I flip open the black velvet box, praying it's not what I think it is. Thankfully a beautiful necklace stares back at me, it looks like an antique. A gold dragonfly floats above a turquoise round stone, prying it from the box I notice that it is a locket.

   Snapping open the delicate latch with shaking hands I swing open the lid to find a picture of me and mum.

   She is holding me on her hip, I can't be more than three or four, we are both laughing so much I can almost feel the joy through the picture. Fuck we really did look alike didn't we.

   My lip trembles while I hold the locket to my chest, the ever present ache that lives there constricting my lungs making it difficult to get a full breath. I struggle to form any thoughts while gasping out "I miss her so much," before completely breaking down.

   Alex lets me cry myself dry into his chest, then helps clip the chain around my neck, where it will live until I die, considering the weight of the gold it actually feels surprisingly light on me.

   I'm too raw to deal with what is in the last present, it must be the family ring but how would Edward have known where it was. He couldn't possibly find it. That thought alone is the only reason I open the last gift next to me.

   Flipping open the lid my worst fears are confirmed as the family ring is nestled inside the box. Three rubies interspersed with diamonds litter the front set in a gorgeous gold band engraved swirls frame the jewels.

  It's just as unbelievably beautiful as the last time I saw it and unbearably heart breaking to have it in my hands now.

  The first time I ever heard about our family ring was one of our last visits to great Grandma Walsh, she told me about the family curse of sons that had plagued us for generations until one of my far back great grandmothers birthed a daughter. 

  To celebrate the occasion they commissioned a ring that would be gifted to her and every first born daughter on their 16th birthday as far as our bloodline extended. I guess that now is my burden to bear.

  My hands shake too bad to even try to take the ring out, arms are soaked in tears that I wasn't aware had left me. Alex reaches over closing the lid pulling me into his comforting embrace as I briefly catch him shaking his head at Edward but I'm in too much agony to ask what it is about.

  I cry myself unconscious in Alex's comforting embrace, only to wake once again in my room. Every inch of my mind and soul aches hideously the crushing pain drowns me wave after wave holding me submerged in the eternal torment. 

   I continue staring at the ceiling longing for my mum until I can't take being alone anymore, and drag my duvet wrapped butt downstairs climbing on the sofa next to Alex where we all pretend to watch the T.V for the rest of the day

  Happy Birthday to me...