his safety • n. galitzine

practical cabin fever

stasia

  "call or text me once you land so i know you're safe. i'm not a helicopter or whatever so you don't have to tell me your every move but, you know." i trail off. "i understand, stas." nick says and kisses me.

  we were standing off to the side in the london airport as we said our see you laters to each other as he is leaving for louisiana today. "have so much fun, say hi to everyone for me. put in a good word to rachel and kaia for me..." i say and he laughs. "i will, rachel already said something about you so i'll let her know you're interested in a conversation." he says and we give each other one more hug. "flight departing from london, england to baton rouge, louisiana is now boarding." we hear and look at each other. "be careful! i'll see you soon!" i say as he grabs his bags and kisses my forehead. "i'll see you soon, baby. i love you." he says. "i love you, more." i say and wait until i couldn't see him anymore to leave.

  i take a deep breath and walk away. feels like i just dropped my first born off at kindergarten, i thought to myself. anyways, today is my last day in london and i have lunch with sarah to go to straight from the airport. i turn some music on and make my way there. when i look down at the gps and see i was three minutes away, i got a text from her saying she arrived. once i parked, i took another deep breath and got out.

  "hiii! i'm so glad we were able to make this work before we parted ways for a bit!" i say as we hug. "me too, who knows when the next time we will be able to see each other is." she says and sighs in a dramatic tone. we sat down at a table and looked at a menu and ordered our drinks and got to our talking.

  "boy, do we have some catching up to do." sarah says as she leans in and whispers to me. "you were just in the chair catching me up like 2 weeks ago..." i say and laugh. "exactly. two weeks ago." she says and we laugh. "anyways, let's get this going." i say and sarah clasps her hands together.

it was a long while before we were both done going down the, what we made it seem like, a long mental list of things we had told ourselves we needed to tell each other. it ranged from one of her youngest kids cussing at her for the first time, her divorce being finalized (this had been a topic i was heavily being updated on throughout the process of the last couple months), if there were anymore updates on alyssa, and our upcoming plans. there were a few things in between but those weren't important.

"it was so nice seeing you again, let's not make this the last." she says. "no, it definitely won't be! we'll keep in touch." i say as i give her a hug. once we say our see you laters, we went our own ways.

a few days later

i was now settled back into my new york apartment for the first time since i left for london. it felt weird, but i have to put it into perspective as if it was just a long, really fun vacation.

i was spinning a vinyl in the far corner of my place as i placed some flowers i had just picked up, on my kitchen table. ellie was set to arrive tomorrow morning and she was staying for three days. after that, i have lunch with cailee and roughly two weeks after that, i'm set to arrive in toronto. for now, i rest.

after i organized the kitchen some, i throw myself on the couch and scroll on my phone some to pass some time. the current side of the vinyl was out of spins so it was quiet. i turn my phone off and place it on the coffee table in front of me and then close my eyes; becoming one with the silence.

it hit me then that this is the first time in a while that i have had complete silence surround me. usually i have music, a movie, a tv show, or someone around me that is either loud or volume that is up pretty loud to accompany me. have i conditioned myself to the loud life? i was always one to live the quiet life but lately, i've just been wanting to surround myself with the 'go-go' attitude. doing things such as work, go out with friends, or even spend a night in with nick to watch something took quiets capacity that needed to be fulfilled. and i never really noticed.

i grew up an only child, my parents weren't one to be loud and go out like that. they chose to stay in, make dinner or have family time rather than choosing to spend their time on barstools or club floors. yes, i appreciated it. but it conditioned me to live a life that was similar, but downplayed to whatever age i was at.

if i was three, i chose to bring a toy out to the living room and watch everyone converse around me. if i was ten, i chose to draw or do my homework in my room. if i was sixteen, i practiced my makeup skills on me, a friend; which was rare since she was the only one and rarely came around; or my mom. once i got my own place, i chose to stay in and clean and listen to music if i wasn't at work. if i was at work, i chose to get my job done and head home.

in a way, i wish i would have branched out. that's why when nick came into the costume department, held my hand and said to bear with him, i felt understood even if it was on the most minuscule level there could possibly be.

being around people for the first time like this, has made me a new person in the best way possible in my head, and the silence is only making me realize it in different ways than i was thinking. it made me branch out for the first time in my life, aside from the time i sang my heart out at a harry styles concert the other year... that was level ten branching out because i don't even know who that was that night.

that was when i sat up, grabbed my phone, my jacket, my purse, and i walked out of the door and made my way to the grocery store. people exposure is what i need after being cooped up for three days. being in that apartment that long is giving me practical cabin fever.