Stan's Sleepover (South Park)

How To Not Get Aids

Stan opened his phone and clicked on his dad's icon.

Randy: Uuuhm...

Randy: If you're alone, I don't know what to say.

Randy: But if you're with someone...

Randy: Be safe. Use protection

"Oh god..." Stan face palmed as the messages just kept coming.

Randy: Don't get her pregnant

Randy: Or... don't get aids? If it's... not a girl? Idk what kinda shit your into

Randy: But most importantly...

"Don't say it," Stan muttered, mentally preparing himself for what he knew would come next.

Randy: Have fun

Randy: 🍆💦🍑

"He didn't," Kyle laughed, reading the texts over Stan's shoulder.

"What should I say? " He turned to face Craig hopefully.

Craig shrugged.

"I didn't think this far."

Stan frowned at Craig before turning his head back to his phone, tapping out a quick reply for his dad.

Stanley: Dad, I'm not going to get aids.

Stan shrugged and went to turn his phone off, but it pinged again, sending a wave of panic through his body.

Randy: So it's a guy?

Ahh shit, Stan sighed, wondering what to do next.

Randy: Who is it?

Randy: It's Kyle, isn't it?

No, no, no, no, no, no, Stan stressed as he heard Kyle choke on whatever substance he was drinking, inhaling it by accident.

Stanley: Dad

Stanley: Stop.

Randy: You two have always been oddly close

Stanley: Can we please just talk about this when you get home?

Randy: No, I'm going to call you

Stan didn't even have a half second to respond when his phone started ringing. Stan put a finger to his lips to signify everyone to be quiet before answering.

"Hey Stan," he heard his dad from the other side of the phone. Stan inhaled sharply.

"Hey, Dad."

"Can you talk right now?"

Stan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, sure."

"What's going on over there?" Stan heard shuffling and a slight creak on the other side of the phone.

"Ahhh... ehm..." Stan opened his mouth, then closed it again, repeating the action a few times, resembling a goldfish. "Nothing."

"Hi Mr. Marsh!" Kyle shouted into the phone, and Stan swore he could've killed him right that second. He whipped his head to face Kyle and was met with a smug, shit-eating grin.

His dad knew Kyle was over.

Great.

"O-oh," Randy stuttered. "Hey there Kyle."