Boy across the street (KSM/HHJ)

twenty-four

Seungmin PoV

My body sank into my gaming chair, my hand was on my keyboard and my other hand was on my mouse. The music of the game was blaring in my ears and I was a little annoyed that I couldn't concentrate on the game. 

"Changbin try harder," I whined when we lost again. "I never wanted to play this stupid game with you, you forced me to give you an excuse not to talk to Hyunjin," he snapped back and I rolled my eyes. "We freaking kissed! And now we haven't talked about it in two days," I continued to whine and took a sip of my water.

On my screen you could see our game characters hanging their heads and the word loser in capital letters and red on them.

I sighed loudly and audibly. Maybe I was the loser in my own story. No main character, no side character, neither the love interest nor the side couple. I was just the loser.

I didn't know why I was thinking about it at that moment but I felt like I was the loser because I couldn't handle receiving affection from Hyunjin. 

Anyone else would be happy to have been kissed by the person you loved, to live with him, to spend time with him and to see him all the time. But it just overwhelmed me and made me more nervous.

I took another sip of my water, I would have liked to have a beer, but since Hyunjin was here I stopped. I knew it wasn't good, but the urge to do it was pretty strong and I could hardly stop myself from going into the basement to get alcohol and get drunk.

I loved the feeling of the alcohol running down my throat and warming me up. That slight dizziness before you completely sank into the alcohol and you couldn't concentrate on anything anymore. 

But I also hated the feeling of no longer having control over myself.

And still I wanted to get drunk.

I'm really my father's son...

 "Are you okay Seungmin? You've been quiet for almost seven minutes," I suddenly heard Changbin say and I woke up from my thoughts. I sighed and answered him, "I don't want to play anymore. Let's just talk. Tell me something."

"I talked to Minho and he actually opened up to me," he said and I was surprised. "Really? What did he say?" I asked and sat down on the chair a little more comfortably. I heard the older man sigh into his bad microphone on his cheap headsets. 

"I think he should tell you himself." 

"It's hard for him to do that if he doesn't talk to me," I said, a little annoyed. Changbin didn't answer anymore. He had muted his microphone and logged out of the game. I also closed the game and stared at the screen waiting for him to say something. 

When I waited too long I looked out the window, at the house the house where Hyunjin lived from the house where he had been thrown out. 

Every time I saw it I got angry, they were his parents how could they do that? 

Didn't they love him? I hoped they regretted their actions because they lost the most lovable, wonderful and kind-hearted person in the world.

My mother would never have thought of banishing me from the family only because I was gay. My father wasn't stupid, I think he figured it out a long time ago. But we never talked about it.

Suddenly I heard a voice speaking into my ears.

 "Hey Seungmin."

 Minho.

 "I have to apologize," he said a little quietly but I could hear the slight pain in his voice. I didn't answer and just waited for him to say something. 

"I was really a big asshole. I behaved like that because I was afraid that the same thing would happen to you as it did to me. I was in love with a boy who was in his senior year before you came to this school. I was head over heels in love with him so he used me, he acted like he loved me back but it never felt like we were in a relationship, it was like he only ever wanted to see me when he needed someone to make out with. Still, I didn't want to admit it and then when he dropped me I was devastated. He was my first kiss, my first real crush and my first time. He was as popular as Hyunjin is now which is why I see his face every time he lookes at you. I still don't trust Hyunjin but I trust you and I hope you are right and he is different. I'm sorry for being such an idiot."

I listened carefully and now understood why he had behaved like that. "It's okay," I paused. 

"I'd love to hug you right now Minho," I said and had to smile a little. I hated this unnecessary argument and it was finally over. I missed the older one so much it's hard to describe. 

"Do you know what I discovered?" I asked him and I knew he shook his head before saying "no." A laugh escapes my mouth. "Life without Lee Minho is boring." 

"Oh thank you, life without Kim Seungmin is boring too." He laughed too and I smiled widely. My best friend was an idiot but an idiot I would never give up on. 

There was a brief silence in the air until he said: "Okay, now you have to tell me everything about Hyunjin." Thinking about Hyunjin just made me smile even more. "I want to know too!" I heard Changbin calling in the background. 

Maybe I talked a bit to loud. 

"You already know everything Changbin." 

"So what?" He said and Minho laughed a little.

I had the feeling that everything was changing for the better. I got along with Minho again, I had company at home and I was getting closer and closer to Hyunjin. 

Maybe I wasn't a loser after all.

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