Boy across the street (KSM/HHJ)

six

Hyunjin PoV

"Do you have something to tell us Hyunjin?" my father asked and pierced me with his sharp gaze. "No," I replied, trying to avoid any eye contact with him. My mother sat next to him with a disappointed look.

 "Hyunjin you can't hide anything from us now," she said, looking at me as well. I glared at her slightly and replied in an angry tone: "Have you read it? Why?! Ever heard of privacy?!" My father stood up and faced me with his arms folded over his chest he and hissed, "Don't talk to your mother like that." 

"You two read my diary, I have every right to speak to her like that!" I yelled at him. I couldn't hide my anger it was too much.

"So you're gay?" my mother asked quietly, whereupon my father's gaze became even more angrily. "Yes, I like guys and what do you want to do now? Exorcise the gayness out of me or what? Like I'm possessed by something evil?" 

"No, but I won't call you my son anymore," said the man who taught me how to play soccer, ride a bike, swim, and so much more. My heart dropped.

"Well I never wanted to be your son anyway," I replied, looking him dead in the eye at him, even though I felt like I could burst into tears at any moment. 

"Hyunjin!" yelled my mother and got up too. I walked up to the coffee table and grabbed the notebook and then wanted to go to my room, but before I could, the man who I once called my father grabbed me by the wrist and said, "Me and your mother want you packed your things and get out of here within a week."

I broke free and headed for my room. "Fuck you," I said just before slamming my door.

 I was so angry. I knew they wouldn't accept me but I would have never thought that they will want me to leave.

Giving free rein to my intuitive thoughts, I threw open the door again and yelled to them, "I love sucking dicks, you assholes!" I quickly closed the door and locked it. I was too scared of my father's reaction.

I dumped my bag on my bed and sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. Stressed out, I ran my hand through my hair and sighed loudly.

 At that moment I wished I had someone to talk to. Someone who would understand me, someone I trusted, who trusted me. But I didn't have a person like that. 

And still I couldn't cry.

I grabbed my phone and went through my contacts. Maybe there was someone I could move in with for a short time. But I doubted that. When I got to the letter S in my contact list, I couldn't believe my eyes. 

"I have Seungmin's number?" I asked myself and tapped the contact. When I was about to call him, I realized that he probably had bigger problems than I had at that moment.

I slowly got up and walked to the window. The people outside Seungmin's house were still there and I couldn't see Seungmin in the crowd. Still, I looked out the window and watched what was happening.

A few people looked like they were crying. Some of them were chatting. Some of them were laughing.

I always thought on funerals you would cry and be sad. But maybe that shows that they are moving on with life.

I was at a funeral once but I was seven years old back then and can't remember anything.

Suddenly I could see Seungmin in the middle of all those people. I looked at him and tried to see in what condition he was. He didn't look well. He looked bad actually.

I really wanted to hug him in this moment. But I was to scared to go out of my room and he probably didn't want me to hug him.

A gray car was driving down the street and I thought it was going to pass, but it stopped in front of Seungmins house and a woman, also dressed in black, got out.

She slammed the driver's door shut, put her sunglasses on, and then it looked like she was looking for someone.

When Seungmin spotted her, his eyes widened and he ran towards her. He wrapped his arms around her and she gently rubbed his back.

As they parted, I could see her saying something to Seungmin. I had no idea how she was related to him but from the way he looked at her she seemed to be a very important person to him. Probably a cousin or something.

She pulled him into her arms again and it seemed like he never wanted to let go of her. 

I yawned, then sighed and collapsed onto my bed. I was so exhausted. With school, with my parents, with my life. I just wanted to sleep. Maybe never waking up again wouldn't be bad either.

I stared at the ceiling and noticed small dots forming in front of my eyes, which became larger spots and got colors, red, green and blue. Sometimes when I was staring at something this would happen, I didn't know if it was just me perceiving it that way or just me seeing it but I'm probably not an the only one who can see it.

Maybe it was a kind of escape from reality. Facing reality is difficult, not just for me, for many, for everyone. 

We are born to spend our entire lives preparing for the work that lies ahead. People have forgotten how to enjoy life. People live to work, and they must work to live.

 They have made it harder for themselves through discrimination against minorities, through money ruling the world, through climate change and so much more.

 And now we had to take care of all of this, we had to deal with it. Life wasn't easy, our path won't be easy but maybe if we met the right people and made the right decisions it would be so much easier. 

I didn't know how these thoughts came to me at such a moment. But I had the urge to write a poem about it so I opened one of my notebooks and started writing. 

Maybe the poem would give me an idea for a drawing.

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Sorry for not updating in a while school started and i am stressed ~Yumi