To See You Again (Chuuya Nakahara x Reader x Dazai Osamu)

Chapter Thirty One

Y/n paced the length of her apartment, fuming. After the conversation with Koyo, she had left the Agency, ignoring the questions her coworkers asked as she grabbed her coat and stormed away.

All this work, all this time, all this effort. At the end of the day, Koyo had been right. Y/n missed the violence, the bloodshed, the chaos of her old life. There was a comfort to it, it was what she knew best. The rules were simple and everyone stayed in their place. The threats loomed and things made sense.

Of course she had hated it there, had wanted out, but this life was not what she had wanted instead. Sure, she had changed. She had become weak, pliant. She had been dumb enough to try and ask for help.

A part of her had hoped that changing as a person would change the way she felt. Y/n had been holding onto that hope for so long. It was a frail thing, a blinding light. Koyo had shattered the bulb. There was a power when she hadn't cared, when she'd almost been trying to die. Empty and rabid had felt empty and rabid but kinder and brighter? That felt empty too. At least in the Mafia, she had had something to direct the empty at.

Y/n needed to talk to someone, to vent. Diaries didn't cut it now she'd had the real thing. She felt ruined, she felt weak. She wanted and wanted and wanted and yes she had always wanted but before the wanting had been hollow. Now, it had shape. Now, she wanted Chuuya.

The idea alone of seeing the man, speaking with him, was enough to calm her rage the slightest bit. It was like some part of her decided that if she was with him, everything would be okay. As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

Y/n rushed to the door, throwing it open. She exhaled sharply through her nose at the sight of Dazai outside it.

"What." 

Dazai smiled kindly at the flaming girl as she crossed her arms over her chest. Jutting a hip out to the side, she tapped her opposite foot impatiently.

"Quite a show you put on in there."

"Yeah?"

A pause.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Y/n sighed, peeking her head out the door way. She looked one way down the street and then the other before turning to Dazai once again. He wasn't what she wanted in this moment, but it was better than nothing. He would have to do.

"Fine."

She grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside and shutting the door. They sat down at the kitchen table across from one another.

"What did you go in there to talk to her about?"

Y/n glared at him.

"I said it wasn't for your ears, snake."

"Ouch."

She rolled her eyes.

"What she said wasn't true you know. We figured out who those Americans were. They're from an organization of gifteds called The Guild. She fell too under their attack."

"Is that your idea of comforting me?" she scoffed defensively.

"You would never let me do anything else."

Y/n knew he was right. The tension left her body as she leaned her elbows on the table. Her hands finding her head, she watched the grains of the wood.

"Why did what she said get to you so bad?" Dazai asked after a moment, "You've never been quick to anger like that, not unless it was a show or you had a good reason."

"You sure? You heard her: I am empty and rabid. I'm a stray fucking dog. I bite the hand."

"You were." Dazai corrected, "She said you were. And I happen to agree, you've changed."