Where Your Loyalties Lie - {Severus Snape x Reader}

-101-

Soon after, we went inside my chamber where we can speak without anyone seeing or hearing us. Even it's late, and there is no danger of the twins, we need to be careful. First thing I noticed when we entered the chamber, is that no one else is in here. Severus then told me he had already informed Remus - who then went to inform the other members of the Dumbledore's Army, that Neville and I are back at the castle and they don't need to worry about us. So he left back to his own chamber. But I already know I'm going to run up to him and rest of the group first thing the morning. I want them to see I'm doing fine, as well as I want to see that they are all alright. After shielding the door and changing my clothes into my own, I made us some tea and we sat down on the sofa to have this heart to heart talk while the fire keeps flaming in the fireplace. 'Ask me whatever you desire, and I will answer to them with the truth.' Severus started the whole conversation after I gave him the cup of tea.

That's when we dived deep into the conversation. We talked about everything. With all honesty. No circling around the subject whatever we had. It was difficult and somewhat awkward at first, but... After passing that barrier, it all became natural and both of us started to share our own thoughts regarding whatever topic we happened to have. Such as the memory I saw, Harry Potter being part of the Dark Lord, what happened in the Astronomy Tower, what happened in the Malfoy's Manor, Sniffy, the vow he made to protect Draco... Everything. This whole time we keep some type physical touch between us. Whenever it's holding each others hands, or a hand on other ones thigh, or on a shoulder, there is always the connection. The touches are gentle and careful. Almost like we are getting to know each other once again. In a new level. So this is the real Severus that he has been hiding all these years. The one he has been afraid to show.

After we drank the tea, we placed the cups onto the coffee table and I finally asked how did he figured we had went to the Ministry after the Slytherin's Locket. Severus then told me all about how he first heard how the student were gossiping in the corridor about seeing me and Amycus hugging. How he then rushed to the History of Magic classroom and stormed in, scaring the hell out of Remus - who then tried his best to keep the composure as me. But after Severus had cornered him, he had no choice, but 'sing like a bird' where Neville and I were. Bet part of the reason why Remus broke under the pressure 'too easily' was because he really wished for someone as powerful as Snape to go look after us in case something bad happens. Must've been quite a show.

I sigh deep, amused by the whole image:"You really gave him a hard time, huh?". "Not nearly as much as what he would have deserved. After what that man did... I think I let him too easy." the man next to me mutters while loosely playing with my hair between his fingers. Lift my gaze up to him with questioning look:"Hm?". For a moment I stare at him confused, wondering what he meant by that. Then it hit me. The kiss! Turn to face him and he stops touching my hair. "A-are you talking about when Remus kissed me?" I ask. No answer. "Sev, you haveto understand..- I had nothing to do with it! He-he was the one who pushed me against the wall and lock lips with mine before I could even understand what was happening..!" with slight panic, I began to explain all about the Room of Requirement and how it works - how it's connected with the minds of those who needs it the most. All of this time Severus keeps staring at me with expression I have hard time reading if he's really upset about this or not.

Feels like I can't stop talking, so I keep going:"I promise you, Severus..-! There has never - ever - been anything between him and I. He's like a brother to me and I..-", "You keep waffling, my dear." he suddenly interrupts with soft tone as he gently caress side of my cheek. Huh? There is that small smirk again. The one he makes anytime he has managed to annoy or tease me... The one I have grown to adore over time. Merlin, this man... He really is something. Isn't he? Looking at him with apologetic eyes:"Still... I am sorry. Truly.". I can only imagine how he felt in that moment when he came behind that corner and saw us... Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt. Severus then leans back on the sofa, crossing arms over his chest:"Then again... If you truly want me to... Forgive you, there might be another way.". Huh? For a moment we look at each other as I try to understand what he meant by it. Then it hit me. "Oh..." light blush raises up on my cheeks. He really is... Like a black cat.

And with that, I lean in and give him a tender kiss on the lips. After pulling away - not too far, he softly scoffs:"Is that all?". That's when I slide my hand behind his neck and lean back in to give him a deeper kiss. Won't take more than two seconds when he returns to the kiss and wraps his arms around, pulling me closer. It makes both of us smile while our lips are connect. I'm so happy. Soon, our tongues find each other, making these pleasant shivers go down my spine... Making the hairs of my arms perk up. Merlin, did I actually forgot how good of a kisser he really is? Both of us do the long inhale thru our noses when we change our position without breaking the connection between us. I climb up on his lap and wrap arms around his shoulders. Severus starts roaming his big hands around from my back, down to the hips and back up in needy way. Like we are trying to makeup the lost days into this one, long kiss. This feels right. Us. Together again.

This all suddenly brings up the memory of the dream I had that one night. The one where Severus turned into the snake in middle of our make out session. "Archh..-! What ahre you dhoing..?" Severus wonders surprised when I all of sudden stopped kissing and began to look into his mouth like a dentist. "Haveto see if there are any sharp teeth or split tongue..." I keep looking, only to see everything is normal. He then grabs me by the wrists to prevent me from continuing the research:"And why would I have those?". "W-well..." little blush raises on my cheeks and that's when I told him about the dream. How he had appeared to my door and how he turned into Nagini. Whole this time, while I'm telling him about the dream, I keep sitting on his lap and he keeps looking up to me. Compassion written all over his face. Listening every words I say. Soon, our conversation turned back into the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters. That's when I climb off of his lap, back to sit right next to him.

After a while of talking, a small silence descended to the room. It's clear to me Severus really regrets for joining them. But... What is done, is done. And there is nothing we can do about it. At least, not right in this second. With soft, careful tone, I break the silence:"...Can I see it?". He shift his eyes on me, knowing right away what I mean by that. Then, he pulled up the sleeve to show what he was always afraid for me to see. And there it was... A tattoo of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth. The Dark Mark. Severus then told me all about how it's both as a sign of their loyalty to the Dark Lord and as a method of summoning the Death Eaters to him when he desired. When feeling the burn, the Death Eaters then could Apparate to Voldemort's side, but they were not forcibly compelled to do so. And there is no way to get rid of it. No matter how you'd wanted to. My heart goes out to Severus. So much so, I can physically feel it in my heart.

Someone like him opening up to this much at once... Can't even imagine how vulnerable he must feel right now. Severus keeps his gaze down, looking so pensive. Then, I hold onto his hand and give it a light squeeze:"Thank you for telling me, and being so honest.". He lift his gaze up to look at me, slightly stunned look on his face. "So... You don't see me as a monster?" he ask. Both of my eyebrows raise little bit surprised:"A monster?". No answer. Shooking my head a bit:"No. Nor have I ever thought so before.". "Even when you said that you hate me?" he ask. Huh? Severus stays silent, waiting for me to say something. That's when I remember, how I actually did say that back at the Malfoy Manor, after Sniffy's death. It seems that my words affected him way worse than I imagined. "I... If anything, I hated the moment itself. Not you specifically." I tell. No answer. On the contrary. If anything, I...

Tightening the grip around his hand while looking at him right in the eyes sincerely:"I love you, Severus. With all my heart.". His lips apart just the tiny bit. Even the look on his face won't change much, I can see it from his eyes how he wasn't expecting to hear those words coming from my mouth. Perhaps, he always thought no one would ever say those words to him? My heart is pounding strongly inside my chest. I love him. And there is no doubt in that. He then squeezes my hand with slight frown as the light blush raises up his cheeks. Hm? Then, with that sweet, deep, calm voice he confesses while staring back into my eyes:"I love you too, (Y/N). More than that silly brain of yours could ever understand.". Just when I'm about to gasp and act hurt by his teasing words in a time like this, he quickly puts a hand behind my neck and pulls me into a kiss, making my heart skip a beat. I love you. So much. We pull away from the kiss just a little bit, only to look each other again. Neither of us can't help but let out a small, soft chuckle before going back in the kissing. I'm so happy right now.