traitor || sonadow angst

xxiv

The past months had been... difficult, to put it simply. He had put his lover in too much danger, and had almost gotten him killed. He knew that he would outlive Sonic, but he didn't want to lose him before he needed to.

Sonic was with his brother, Miles, for the afternoon. Rouge had been called to 'babysit' Shadow.

He didn't need babysitting.

"Someone looks bored." Rouge muttered.

"I've already cleaned the whole house, planned dinner, plus we've done this routine on repeat for the past week. What do you suggest I do?" He deadpanned. With Sonic's recovery, he had been increasingly antsy and restless. He visited someone almost every day, much to Shadow's displeasure.

"I could do your makeup." She suggested.

"My fur is not suitable for makeup."

"Paint your nails?"

"My claws are always gloved. There would not be a point."

"You're making this really difficult."

Shadow sighed, stood up, and grabbed his jacket, heading for the door.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Smoking."

"No?"

He gave her a confused look.

"You are not going to smoke, actually. Here, I'll pour you a glass of wine and we can put something on the TV or listen to music or just chat." Shadow sighed.

"Fine." He sat down beside her, connecting his phone to a nearby speaker. He shuffled to a random song, landing on "Rapture" by Deftones.

"You know, when I said music, I meant Taylor Swift or something."

"Today is not a Taylor Swift kind of day." He muttered, taking a swig of his wine.

"Why's that?"

"I do not know. I just feel like listening to loud music." He stated. "It is comforting."

"This is comforting?" She chuckled. "I listen to Mitski or Lana Del Ray when I'm sad."

"Lana Del Ray is trash and a zionist. Also, I am not sad."

"Are you in sure, hun? You seem off."

"I do not see anything to be sad about. I am engaged to the love of my life, whom might I add is completely safe and sound."

"I can tell what happened to Sonic took a toll on you."

"It does not matter. I was not the one affected, therefor I have nothing to mourn."

"After he was taken at HQ, you were so upset."

"Well yes, one would be after watching their lover be taken right in front of them, then raped, and almost killed."

"Are you seeing my point?" Rouge faintly smirked as she watched the gears turn in her friend's head.

"Ah." Was all he said.

He had shut himself off again - not like when he attempted or when Sonic was taken, no, he took a blood oath never to do that again - but he pretended he did not feel. Rouge always saw through his guise (and so did Sonic, but he saw it better to wait for Shadow to come to him).

Rouge was just glad he wasn't cutting himself. She even told Sonic to ease his nerves.

Shadow wanted to, yes, but he knew he had his friends on his back. He couldn't even smoke anymore.

So he stopped eating.

He didn't need to eat, he was the Ultimate Lifeform, but he still enjoyed certain foods. He needed some form of punishment, so taking that luxury away was his only want at the time.

He would also hit and scratch himself, but he always did that when he was upset. Sonic said he might have autism, but he was, again, the Ultimate Lifeform. Just another "flaw" to add to the books.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"I don't buy that." She pressed.

"You would give me a lecture and I am not in the mood."

"You still think it's your fault." She murmured. Shadow did not reply. "You will understand one day why you're wrong."

"I already know. I just can't accept it." He sighed. "Sometimes I wish Sonic would hate me and break up with me and dismiss me, but I do not know what I would do without him."

"That's understandable. I'm upset at myself too."

"Why?"

She sighed, sipping her wine.

"Because what I went through was absolutely awful, and he had to endure it who knows how many times."

"We never really did get into that."

"What, the assault?" Shadow nodded. "Some guy, a friend, got drunk and had his way with me. Long story short, I cut him off."

"Who was it?"

"I feel like he would not be safe if I told you that."

"Why does he deserve to be safe?"

"He doesn't, but he was also drunk."

"It's not like I can ever leave the house, let alone do anything to him. I'm sure if you wanted him gone, you would have done it by now." He reasoned. "You're more than capable."

"It was Scourge."

"What?!" He growled. "I'm going to kill him!"

"Shadow," She chuckled. "You will not kill him."

"Does the girl, Fiona, know about this?"

"No."

"What if he does it to her?" She went silent.

"I'll tell her. I just don't want to take away her happiness."

"It's for her safety."

Shadows ears twitched at the sound of distant footsteps before keys jingled in the door.

"Hey everybody, it's your favourite boy!" Sonic smirked.

"I'll be off, then." Rouge murmured.

"No, no, stay for dinner! I mean, unless you have plans." He chuckled nervously.

"Are you sure you want me?"

"Of course! You've done so much for us, the least we can do is make you dinner."

"You mean I make dinner while you sit and talk with her." Shadow remarked.

"Exactly." Sonic smirked. At least he was acting like himself again.

For my new readers, I hope you've been enjoying the rollercoaster so far. For my og readers, IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ANOTGER 4 MONTGS TO UPDATE. Zelda took over my brain for a bit (autism be damned) and i've been dealing with some SHIT lately. got cheated on, started semester 2 of grade 9, got my first binder!!!! Anyway Sonic seems to be in full circle again so enjoy the new chapters.

currently trying to publish this on the 1 bar of data in the middle of nowhere

also check out my ao3 (same user as wattpad) for an upcoming one shot called "drowning lessons"

ok love y'all bye