traitor || sonadow angst

xxvi

Shadow sat in an arm chair outside the therapists office, trying to tune out their conversation through the not-at-all soundproof door. He'd already been here for about twenty minutes, and he'd been bored out of his mind. The place was quiant, to say the least. No tv, no vending machines. Maybe he'd file a complaint.

His name caught his attention, and it felt wrong to listen in, but the curiosity was killing him.

"It's just my boyfriend, Shadow. Sure, I've been through a lot lately, but I feel like he's taking it worse than I am. He's been having nightmares and panic attacks, which I'm not even sure he knows I know about. He was, uh..." He paused. "Nevermind. I'm sure he wouldn't want me telling you that."

"Is he a risk to himself or others?" The therapist asked.

"No, no. Don't worry."

He smiled to himself, knowing Sonic had him in his best interest.

"I'm pretty sure he has this mindset of like, he's worried he's burdening me. He hasn't opened up to me, and right now, I'm pretty sure he's just pretending not to have feelings." He sighed. "If I tell him I'm worried about him, he'll shut down - which I guess is already the case. I just, I don't know how to help him. What kills me the most is I don't even think he wants me to help him."

"I don't need him to help me." Shadow muttered to himself.

"I... I don't know what to do. I had caused him so much stress, and I had survivor's guilt, but our friend Rouge had a talk with me about it, and I don't feel so bad about it. Shadow, though... He still believes it's his fault, like he could have down something different. Rouge told me that when it happened to her, she would make up scenarios where she had done something different, but you have to realize that what happened happened."

"That is a very good mindset to have. Was Shadow there when you were assaulted?"

"No. The guy was clever. He kept tabs on where Shadow was. But he was always there to save me, always there to protect me. He did all he could do and I couldn't be more thankful. I would probably be dead if it weren't for him."

Shadow subconsciously scratched his arms, listening to Sonic vent.

'I've turned this on myself. I've made this all about me.'

He growled to himself.

"I don't... I don't blame him though." Sonic continued. "If what happened to me had happened to him, I would be upset with myself too. He's designed to be 'perfect', and every time he sees a flaw in himself, he rejects it immediately. It repulses him. I told him he might be neurodivergent and he didn't even freak out. He just seemed... tired of it. He doesn't understand that they don't make him 'less than'. I wish I could understand how he thinks." He paused. "Chaos, I'm over sharing on his behalf."

"It seems like you care a lot about him. I understand he may not want to talk to a specialist, but not every therapist is the same. I'm sure there's someone who could resonate with him."

"I'll... talk to him."

Sonic was out of the room within the next 10 minutes, visibly relieved. He went over to the counter to pay, then came to retrieve the ebony hedgehog.

"No, Shadow, stop that." He muttered, swatting his lovers hands away from his arms.

"Sorry, I didn't even know I was doing it."

Sonic smiled sadly at him. He hates that look. He hated the pity that was rooted in his emerald irises, a pity that chipped away at his soul.

They stood up and made their way out of the building, much to Shadow's pleasure.