traitor || sonadow angst

xvi

TW: Attempted Suicide, Mention of SH

The two barely spoke. After Shadow lashed out, he couldn't bring himself to even look at his lover, guilt flooding his lungs whenever he did. Sonic didn't know what was wrong. Was it his fault? Did he do something wrong?

This went on for a week. Shadow didn't talk to him for a week.

Shadow strolled into the kitchen, fixing himself food beside his lover. He hated how hard it was to look at him, to admire his beautiful face.

Sonic paused. Shadow held himself together, not looking at what he could be up to, as painful as it was.

"Shadow, look at me." He peeled his eyes off his food to look him dead in the eyes, which, to his surprise, were filled with tears. "Don't do this to me. Not again."

The hurt in his voice broke Shadow. He didn't know what to say. He just stood there, at a loss for words. The eye contact suddenly felt heavy and uncomfortable. He peeled his gaze away, looking anywhere but his eyes.

"Fine. Just fucking stand there and don't say anything. I don't even care anymore." He muttered, his voice cracking as he stormed off, forgetting his food on the counter.

He swore to himself that he would never make Sonic feel that way again, and yet, here he was. After all the shit he had already put him through, after all he had failed him with, he was doing this to him again.

His claws dug into his forearms, barring his teeth and restricting any unwanted emotions.

An immortal was not designed to die naturally. No sickness, disease, or years of age. But immortals were not invincible, no matter the purpose for their creation. They could still be killed, though it typically took more effort than the average mortal. Immortals were known to die with honour, but he was going to die by punishment, a failure.

He sighed, heading to their spare room and finding a pen and he paper. Taking the fountain pen in his hand, he wrote his lover's name.

Dear Sonic,

Now what? What the hell are you supposed to write in your suicide note?

I was designed to protect. I lost the privilege of bearing the title of protector when I couldn't save Maria, and I certainly cannot bear it now. I'm sorry for letting G.U.N near you. I'm sorry for letting that man hurt you. I should have killed him long before I did. I failed you, Sonic, and I'm so sorry. As per the way I was designed, I must be punished from failing my purpose. Live with your brother, stay away from G.U.N, and tell Rouge I'm sorry.

I love you.
Shadow

He read over the note, a twang of familiar existentialism washing over him. His purpose was something he had recently tried to detach himself from, but he knew in the end it was his fate.

Shadow neatly folded the note, dragging his claw along the crease. Just one last time, he quietly entered Sonic's room, sitting on the edge of the bed. He felt a shift in the energy of the room, a disturbance in Sonic's crying.

"Shadow?" He unveiled his soaked face from under the covers. "I don't want to talk right now."

"Sonic, please." Another wave of tears streamed down his face at his lover's voice. Shadow leaned foreward, his paws grazing his lover's cheek to discard the tears, but Sonic flinched back,

"Don't touch me. Don't pretend you care." He hissed. "It's like the only person who's ever cared about me was my fucking rapist. You couldn't even bring yourself to look at me. I don't want to see you. I hate you."