Traversing with the Infinity (Sun Rays #1)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I hate that I can't do anything despite the thousand questions running wild in my head. Am I really like this now? The kind of person who'd rather turn away than face what's right in front of her. just because she's scared of what might happen next? Even I can't make sense of it.

Maybe this is what happens when you're too used to brushing things off, pretending everything's fine, laughing things away just so they won't sting as much. I used to think that being carefree was my strength. . . that if I kept smiling, nothing could break me. Pero noong nakita ko si Papa na hawak at maingat na buhat-buhat ang inosenteng batang iyon. . . it cracked something inside me.

It's strange, how one moment can make you question everything you thought you knew about your life, about your family, about yourself.

Hindi ba dapat masaya ako para kay Papa? Hindi ba dapat tanggapin ko ito nang buong puso? Pero isang eksplanasyon lang naman ang kailangan ko. Pero doon ako naduduwag.

"Rize, anak. . . puwede ba tayong mag-usap?"

Natigil ako sa pagnguya ng pagkain nang pumasok si Papa sa kusina. Naka-uniform na rin siya ngayon at sa tingin ko ay kakain na siya ng agahan dahil papasok din siya sa eskwelahan.

I forced myself to stand up and did not even bother to look at him. Hindi ko siya kayang tignan sa mata. And I hate myself for acting this way. Gusto ko na lang agad umatras.

"Pa, papasok na po ako," mahinang sagot ko nang hindi tumitingin sa kanya.

I slipped out of the kitchen as soon as I heard Ma'am Racquel's footsteps approaching, carrying Lezin in her arms. They had been here since last night, so it seemed they would be staying here until later.

"Good morning, Rize, kumain ka na ba? Nagluto ako ng agahan," malumanay na pag-alok sa akin ni Ma'am Racquel nang magkasalubong kami sa entrance ng kusina.

I quickly nodded without looking at her. "Opo, Ma'am. Salamat po. . ." I simply answered her question in a gentle tone so I would not look rude in front of her.

Her approach toward me was good, so I had no reason to be disrespectful. I stole a quick glance at Lezin, only to see her blinking with innocent eyes. Matapos niyon, mabilis na akong lumakad papalayo sa kanila. I find her cute, she's my half sibling after all. But I just don't have the energy to joke around with her, not now. Not when my mind and heart are still confused and trying to adjust to everything that's happening lately.

I've already confirmed that Lezin was Papa's daughter. And yes, she's my half sibling-she was also using Guillermo as her surname, except for Ma'am Racquel since. . . hindi naman sila kasal.

Wala akong makitang rason para umaktong walang modo sa harapan nila, especially to Ma'am Racquel.

At least, she was nice to me and knows how to approach people well. Wala rin naman kaso sa akin kung kasintahan siya ngayon ni Papa. I would say that I'm genuinely happy for him because he finally found love again after being widowed. Seeing him content is more than enough for me to support his decision.

But my question is. . . kailan nila nakilala ang isa't isa?

Nagsimula na namang lamunin ng katanungan ang utak ko. Kung magdadalawang taon na si Lezin, bakit hindi manlang nag-abala na ipakilala ito ni Papa sa akin?

Alam din ba ito ni Lolo Kenzy, pero hindi na lang siya nagsalita?

Umiling ako sa isiping iyon.

Hindi ko dapat pagdudahan si Lolo Kenzy. . . kasi ang sama ko namang apo kung ganoon.