Branded For Duty

𝟚𝟝

* two months later *

Desk duty.

The most painful form of torture... funny, coming from someone who was recently quite literally tortured.

Ella hasn't saw any action lately, and it's driving her insane. 

And... Instead of allowing her to return with a medical sign off, the superintendent concluded after a meeting with the board, that she must pass a wellness check before returning to full duty.

A fitness test and a mental evaluation.

"This is ridiculous, they've never done this to anyone else in the unit..." Ella zipped her jacket up, slipping her trainers on.

"They're just looking out for you" jay stood in the doorway, sighing with folded arms.

"It's patronising, they think I'm incapable of doing my job" Ella stood up in a huff.

"You're amazing at your job, I'm sure they just wanna' make sure you'll be safe in the field" he walked over and embraced her into a warm hug.

"And if I fail? Then what? I'll never be a detective again..." Ella mumbled into his shirt, worried beyond relief.

"You're gonna' be fine, I've seen how hard you've been working at your rehab. Now go show them you belong in the field" jay smiled weakly, a reassuring glow in his eyes.

Ella stepped back, smiling gratefully in return as she grabbed her keys and phone, waving as she left the apartment.

•••

"Well, I'm glad to tell you that you passed your fitness exam with flying colours. But I'm sure you're aware that the mental evaluation plays a crucial roll in the decision we make today" the superintendent stood silently in the corner as a psychologist took a seat in front of her.

Ella nodded, giving nothing away, although she could feel her heart throbbing out of her chest.

The questions never seemed to end, and at one point Ella thought she would be spending the night at the clinic putting up with this relentless interrogation.

Then...

She found herself sat alone in the doctors office, waiting for anyone... someone to just tell her the verdict, and it was making her feel ill.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, miss Crawford. I'm pleased to tell you that we deem you fit for duty" the doctor smiled widely, Ella nodded, smiling gratefully in return.

"We do have one condition" the doctor continued, and Ella froze... there's always a but.

"You must attend weekly therapy appointments. We need to make sure this traumatic event didn't bring up any lingering memories from your past. Once we're confident that you're mentally capable, we can drop the sessions to once every month, and so on..." the doctor smiled sadly, knowing how much the woman in front of him loves her job.

Ella slowly nodded, cursing herself for answering some of the questions the way she did... the uncontrollable fidgeting, the stuttering... it's like she's no longer the woman she used to be.

"Thank you" Ella reached out to shake the man's hand, standing up as she closed her eyes, the door closing behind her.

•••

Kicking her shoes off at the door of her apartment, she strolled into the kitchen to find Jay preparing dinner.

"Oh hey, how'd it go?" Jay put the spoon down, wiping his hands on the cloth.

"They cleared me for duty, as long as I attend weekly therapy session" Ella put her phone down on the island, pursing her lips together.

"That's good, that's great news" jay smiled widely, walking over to her and pulling her into a hug.

"Yeah..." she mumbled, tiredly and slightly annoyed.

"What's wrong?" Jay sat down next to her on the stool, his finger holding onto hers.

"I don't know. I guess I should be happy, I mean, I am finally going back to work. But... I don't know. It just felt like they treated me like a lost puppy all day. It's almost as if they're going to strip me of my badge if one more thing happens, like I'm too damaged to do this job?" Ella sighed, tilting her head as her eyes meet jays.

Jay frowned, "it's a difficult position to be in, and I can't tell you how to feel. I really do understand your emotions, but I'm confident they just want what's best for you... even if it means giving up your badge" he squeezed her hand, nodding slowly... knowing they never asked him any of this.

Ella's heart dropped, "do you think I need to give up my badge?" Her tone was genuine, vulnerable almost.

She stared at him for a few seconds, wondering if she truly does need to give up her badge... is she that damaged?

Jays eyes softened immediately, shaking his head as he took her hands in his own, "what? No, no. You're the most amazing detective I know, you're incredible at this job. I just want you to know, that if things ever become too heavy... to much to carry. Giving up your badge isn't always a bad thing, you're still you, your job doesn't define who you are. That goes for me too, I'd tell anyone this. I just want you to know I will support you through anything, no matter the baggage" he smiled sadly, scanning her face for any reaction.

Ella sighed, turning her head to look at the wall, her eyes instantly widening... "jay!" She bolted up, gasping as the smoke rapidly grew.

Jay cursed, "shit, shit, shit..." he jumped up, rushing to turn off the oven and take the pans of the stove.

Ella watched with a smirk on her face and raised eyebrows, shaking her head as a laugh threatens to bubble over.

Jay sighed, leaning on the counter, his shoulders relaxing as he takes in Ella's amused face.  Smiling in return, he rolled his eyes, "don't you start" he shook his head playfully.

"I didn't say anything" Ella scoffed a laugh, smiling contently as jay moved to sit next to her.

"But you understand, right? Whatever decision you make, big or small, anything or nothing... I support you" jay placed a hand over hers after a second of thought, returning back to their conversation.

Ella paused for a beat, "yeah... thank you. I love you" she sighed, her eyes widening, her thoughts going wild at what she just said.

Jay stared at her, "I love you too" he smiled widely, returning the same energy... making Ella relax visibly.

If only they could be so confident in jays cooking... "takeout?" He sighed heavily.

"Sure" Ella snickered, rolling her eyes in amusement.