"What About Me.." - Jax Angst (TADC Fanfic)

#11: Comfort

Jax POV

It was evening now and here I am, still in my room, sitting on the door like a coward
This is the first time I got humiliated like this
Ragatha came back to invite me to dinner but I refused by ignoring her call, she tried to comfort me at her very best but I just didn't answer her until she finally left

I've waited for hours until I heard everyone finally entered their rooms
When everything is silent, I finally got out of my room then ran out, going to my usual spot for peace and alone time which is the roof of the Tent
Yeah that's too high but cool anyways

I then sat down on my spot but I saw Caine talking to Moon as I expected
They always meet up every night secretly
"Yo, Caine" I called out as he suddenly flinched in surprise then came towards me
"Oh Jax! Goodness it's just you, finally showed up huh after the ruckus earlier?" He said
"Next time, don't do adventures related to farm, please, don't ask. Just NO" I bluntly told him
"Well... whatever you say fella"
"I was calling out for you, are deaf? Or you were doing that on purpose?" I annoyingly asked
"I really didn't hear you, plus your tracker in my wacky watch suddenly disappeared which is unlikely" he replied and I was shock to hear that

I then suddenly sensed someone
"Caine, you better go now, someone followed me" I told him
"Oh man, alright, have a nice night moon!" Caine exclaimed
"You too Caine and I love you~" with that, Caine disappeared as the someone who just followed me finally came here behind me
"Got tired going up?" I bluntly asked
"I suspect you're going out tonight or after everything will go silent-"
"Yeah yeah, whatever smartass" I interrupted as Pomni sat down beside me, joining me to stargaze
"Look, I really really am sorry for what I did, it wasn't even enough for the pranks you did to us!" She exclaimed
Apology with damn faulty reasoning
"Funny harmless pranks and traumatizing pranks are different bigbrain" I argued
"Well, it still hurts our feelings. Can you just tell me what happened and let me help you"
"You're bad at talking to people pipsqueak, plus it wasn't even that hurtful for me specially of what you did and it is none of your damn business"
"That's why no one wants to talk to you because you treat people improperly and you think you're the only special one here
You also think that you're the only one who's suffering here but all of us do! " she bluntly exclaimed
Okay wow, she came here to fight
I'm not even in a mood right now
"Okay wow, ouch, what a pain, yeah that's right, I AM in a MOOD to talk #&@$ with you" I sarcastically and dramatically said

She then stood up
"If you really want that kind of treatment then so be it, have a nice night" she grumbled as she walk off
I'm pretty sure she said that in a mocking tone, heh, whatever
Once I couldn't sense her presence anymore, I took a deep breath then sighed
"Why the mood sweetheart?
Why fight with your dear friend?" The moon asked
"It's none of your damn business and she's not my friend, yet" I replied
"You guys just have misunderstandings, without solutions, problems are just getting worse, dear" she calmly said
"I don't even wanna start a apology thing, okay? Not anymore" I grumbled
"Just cheer up dear, everything will be alright, just believe" she calmly said
Yeah, whatever...
I continued looking at the shining stars, though it doesn't look real but it feels real for me
I can't just be kind to them, this is just who I am.., but if they still continue to hate me... then so be it, I have no reasons to live anyway.. and I'm satisfied now to ready to die soon... I guess
I mean... to abstract ain't dying but it's like becoming a zombie? Who knows

Day 2 and I'm still in my room
Sitting on the door, trying to think properly, I heard that Caine gave us 3 days off so tomorrow's last day off
I then heard someone sat behind the door
"Jax, it's only me, Gangle. To be honest, I'm worried about you. This is the first time seeing you like this.." She muttered
Speaking of which.... I also trust her the most like Ragatha.. She's just too kind and precious to be here...
"I actually wanted to say thank you the other day you helped me calm down, how are you doing now Jax?" She asked
"I'm fine, thank you" I simply replied
There was a silence for a while until she talked again
"I feel bad for you Jax, for whatever happe-"
"You don't have to, you don't have to force yourself to talk to me, so just be free to go" I grumbled
"I'm serious Jax... Can you tell me what's wrong? I promise it's only us two who'll know.." She kindly told me

Hmm... Yeah I trust her enough to tell her my secret... But I still can feel everyone will know what I'm afraid of so what's the point of not telling? Sigh... life..
Secrets can't really be hidden forever..
"I can wait, Jax, I'm just here for ya" she added
"Gangle.."
"Yes?"
"If you ever found the real exit... What will you do?" I asked
There was a long silence for a while and I'm sure she was thinking properly
"Well, let's all go out together!" She happily exclaimed
Too bad
"What if... if we all go out together... We won't remember each others anymore just like the first time we've entered the circus?" I asked
There was a long silence again and I don't feel she was thinking properly
Yes it is a complicated question indeed, so what's your answer now huh? Gangle?
"W-we're not really sure about that, but let's just hope it will never happened and if it happened... just believe we'll find ways to remember everything again!
I'm also pretty sure there's someone out there waiting for us to return.." She answered
Wrong answer darling... You guys have the same answers, none answered "no choice but to live here forever" or to even stay with me forever, all you guys care or focus is to get out of here, no fun at all
Plus... Your answers are utterly impossible because it's been years you guys haven't even remembered anything yet, well except for me.. and idk why but doesn't matter
And it's a fact that they will forget everything again once they got out in the digital world...

"You know why I acted weird the first time yesterday?" I asked
"No... why?"
"I'm afraid of corns... because it reminded me of the farm" I answered and that's the answer she really wanna hear
"Huh..? How?" She asked
"We're done talking now crybaby, plus your answers are wrong, so get out there now and mind your own business" I bluntly said
With my angry voice, she get my point as she finally left
Yeah, she's understandable and that's also another thing I like about her, but don't worry... I'm gonna share the story only to her... Tomorrow.. And I'm really really sure she won't tell anyone because I trust her that much and she knows it.