❛ 𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞. 𝖻𝗍𝗌 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝖾𝗆𝖻𝖾𝗋 [ ✓ ]

▹ A final farewell

| trigger warning — a great deal of this chapter is centred around mental health, specifically anxiety and an anxiety attack is mentioned in somewhat detail. also, brief mention of drinking whilst medicated. please, do not read if you are triggered by this take care of yourself my love.

| also, please make sure you read my note at the bottom, it's important in regards to the future of this book.

George has become accustomed to internal wildfires.

It's not ideal, and it's not easy to cope with at all but after dealing with it for so long, it's not as scary as it once was. The fire spreads through the body quickly, the smoke plaguing his mind with thoughts that only act as gasoline, worsening the fire in his body.

While far from ideal and challenging to handle, dealing with it for so long has diminished the initial fear. The rapid spread of the internal fire and the smoky influx of thoughts only serve as fuel, intensifying the blaze within.

Thing is, water can only provide so much relief for the internal burn, and firefighters aren't equipped to soothe something as delicate as the human body. To clarify, the wildfire is metaphorical—George's overwhelming sense of dread is rooted in panic.

A fuse was lit after Jin's departure.

The flame flickered subtly, far too tiny for him to notice. It manifested into something like an itch he couldn't reach, an unsettling feeling without a clear cause. A battle of 'what ifs' breached his mental barriers, easily ignorable at first. Throwing himself into music, and the company of the other boys shielded him from the fear of Jin's absence. Them being around acted as a crutch for George, he knew whilst they were still there, Jin would come back and BTS would be whole again.

Then, Hoseok's departure came along and fuelled the flame, escalating it from a subtle itch to an undeniable inflammation. The 'what ifs' gained strength, subjecting George to frequent bouts of panic, which he silently bore, reluctant to burden his members with his inner turmoil. He marked it down as him being silly. He reassured himself that it would pass, soon having to spread the assurance onto Chungha, who was growing increasingly concerned with his constant sleepless nights.

Concerned for him, Chungha had moved in to keep an eye on him despite the constant insistence that he was fine, she knew that he wasn't.

On the surface, he mirrored the same old George she had fallen in love with. But she saw the internal panic when he thought she wasn't looking. She saw the way he picked at his fingers, and drew blood with how hard he bit his lip when the worries of the future captured him. She felt him hold her tighter everytime they hugged, almost like he was petrified that she was going to vanish into thin air, and she felt his erratic heartbeat against her hand when he woke up in a panicked sweat.

She saw it all — the boys saw it all.

Despite their keen observations, he evaded discussion, dismissing their concerns with a joke and a smile that failed to reach his eyes.

George accepted that something was wrong after Yoongi left.

A growing weight burdened him, akin to being in a grave. With each departure, it felt as if another load of dirt was tossed onto him, pressing on his chest and finding its way into his mouth, muffling his silent screams.

Immersing himself in work, especially with his solo on the way, served as George's coping mechanism. While it provided a temporary distraction, it wasn't healthy—adding fuel to the fire of stress. His body was exhausted, backed up by a persistent headaches and constant fatigue. Chungha would catch him dozing off mid-task, a side effect of his sleepless nights. Jungkook noticed the tremor in George's hands, hinting at the looming separation during their weekly meet-ups. Jimin observed George holding onto hugs tighter than usual. Taehyung picked up on George's rapid breathing when jokes were made about him 'holding up the fort,' and Namjoon realized that George's visits to his home had become more frequent than usual.