Consuming Voices

XI

I was finally able to get wattpad to work again even though I'm in the airport. I'm fr doing this for like those couple people cuz this is flopping ngl but its okay i have those few supporters so ty.

"...thanks..."

He said in the quietest voice I've ever heard Bakugou speak in. I'm so dang happy.

Baku pov (*゜▽゜)_□

I felt a knock on my desk, ugh just go away I'm too tired for this shit i just want to go back to my dorm and wallow in my self-pity. I felt another knock on my desk, i slide off my headphones and pause the music before i turn my head slightly to see who keeps knocking on my desk.

"Hi!"

Oh him. He smiles and grabs the chair behind him, and sits at the end of my desk. He takes a breath in.

"Hey..uh.."

I lift up my head slightly more, don't mention that dumb shit again i wouldn't be able to speak even if i wanted to. i don't know how to say what i want, i don't even know what to say, i just want to dissappear and nobody to care like always.

"Uh i made you something"

what is it, a note telling me to kill myself cause that's what i should fucking do.

i look up at his face, we make eye contact but i can't bare to hold it and look back down to my wrists. i didn't do enough last night i should do more, i need to do more. Kirishima digs into his pocket for a second, takes out a little box and places it in front of me.
What is this.
why are you doing this.?
Dont waste shit on me.
Stop stop stop.
Fucking stop.
I should just fucking kill myself right now.
i can't stand this.
Stop stop stop.
This doesn't make any sense
i can't...
i don't get it-

i hear a muffled voice from Kirishima that i didnt quite get. He reaches for the box. yeah take it back don't waste anything on me. He opens it and slides it infront of me again. He doesn't stop staring at me this feels like some kind of invading interview but he's not going to leave me alone till i take this thing. I somewhat sit up and pick up the thing in the box... A cat keychain?

"i- i know you like cats 'cause every time we go to the park near here you always pet the cats, so i made you that cat keychain... heh.."

What the fuck?
How the hell?
Why would anyone ever do this?
What kind of odd trick is this?
I'm so confused?
I have a bad feeling about this but it's different... i-
i don't know.

"i had to ask Tsu for some help, she loves arts and crafts and I'm not very good at this kinda stuff... b-but i tried really hard..."

Why would he do this for ME?
Why?
why...?

...

"Look if you don't like it-"

Almost like a reflex, i turn my back to him even if this is some kind of cruel joke to lure me in i- ... i still want to keep it. If not as a reminder of my stupidity and naivety but because i could be wrong...
Nearly instantly he hugs me, but i don't push him off, my body doesn't move...
It doesn't make any sence.
How could he withstand being around let alone hugging me... I'm disgusting.

With a sudden thud, the classroom door opened and Iida walked in. Hastily, Kirishima pulled away in surprise.

Of course, why would anybody want to be seen with me. Maybe i should say thanks even if this is a trick it would be from my own foolishness so i might do it anyway for the effort he has put into a mere ruse.
...

"...thanks..."

I was barely able to push out a stifled whisper, i need to fix myself the fuck up. Get a goddamn grip. I lean down to my school bag and clip on the keychain to the zipper of my bag, i open my bag and set my headphones in there before slumping back in my seat.

The shark-like, toothy grin didn't seem to appear dimmer even after this prolonged awkward silence (caw caw). My grip softened, the static-like sting throbbed in the palm of my hand from my nails digging into my skin. My arms felt numb in a way which made it feel like my bones were itchy, i utterly crave the deepening cut of the blade to drag under my skin to scratch this itch. I yearn to reach the bone, to get so unfixibly far down the rabbit hole for there to be no return no way of ever clawing myself out. A solemnly pit of despair where i truly belong. What do i deserve. Nothing. That's what.

The classroom slowly fills up first Momo and Jirou then Tokoyami. Eventually, Ashido, Sero and Kaminari walk in, starting a conversation with Kirishima. He places the chair back to where he took it from and sits next to them they chatter and noisy up the room doubly so. I pick up my phone, and without suspicion pull off my phone case removing the blade letting it fall into my hand. Quietly i click the phonecase back on and stick it in my pocket.

TW Sh

Cautiously, i take minor glances around the room. No-one is looking. I ease my hand, with the blade at my fingertips, up the sleeve of my other arm. Easily, i separate a space between some of the bandages and make a first cut.
More.
I make a bigger surface area, cutting some of the bandages nicking at some of my skin underneath. I glide the blade along the surface of my forearm into a graceful dance, deeper and slower, faster and longer. It made my heart palpitate as the beat of the song instructing the fluid movements of the dancer. My hand went numb. So cold.
More.
I swap the blade to my other hand under the table and again cleave the bandage on my static arm. Anew, i carve lines down my arm in to the same rhythmic pattern of dance. I still hardly feel anything. With a strong grip i dig the blade deep into my skin, in a slow pace i push it down with all my might go across my arm. Slowly but surely bringing it closer to me, my eyes clenched shut, my teeth gritted together. I get to the end of my arm and pull my hand away. Wet? I faintly pull up my sleeve. FUCK! OH SHIT! shit shit shit.

Thick blood oozed from the cut i had just done, it coated my arm like paint. Okay.. fuck! i could actually kinda feel this but holy shit. The blood had already completely seeped through my sleeve in the split second it had touched my arm. ITS NOT STOPPING! Shit. I pull out my hand and it's already soaked with blood, i shove the blade in my pocket and lift up my arm just a bit, it had already made its way down and bled down onto my trousers. FUCK! I'm covered in blood. Class is about to start any second. Fuck what do i do. No not again, i can't fucking breath, every gulp felt like swalling knives.

I go to stand up and rush to the bathroom but-...

"Alright everyone in there seat, time for registration"

1309 words
i did get wattpad to fix haha sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoyed this chapter the next chapter's written 'cause wattpad took a little while to stop crashing on me so sorry for that again.
Have a great day♡
o(ﾟ▽＾)ﾉ