Consuming Voices

VIII

I dont have to leave this spot for the next couple days.

kiri pov(≡・x・≡)

its been 2 days, he hasn't come out of his room not even once. On Friday i went to check on him, but i was met with no responce. He didnt turn up to the lesson after he left, but i know he's here because his shoes are at the front door to the dorm with everyone elses. That stupid twat mineta keeps bragging that he's scared bakugou away but i highly doubt that. Bakugou wouldn't be that upset because of something MINETA said, like fuck that guy. He's just a little pervert anyway.

On Saturday aswell, i checked up on Bakubro. I knocked on his door, i called him, i texted him in our private chat the class chat and the bakusquad chat.
Nothing.
When i knocked on his door, i waited outside for a responce, he said nothing, i put my ear against the door i didnt hear his voice but i heard something so he had to be in there. I called him from outside his door, i heard it ring but he didnt pick up, he didnt even decline the call. Every single text that i sent to him, doesnt matter which chat, was left unresponded to and unread.

Now, sunday afternoon
4:43 pm, again I've done the same things as yesterday i knocked on his door, called, texted, everything and still the exact same results.
Nothing.

Well i should see him tomorrow, he never misses school he is always here no matter what. The only time that Bakugou has missed school was when he was... well um kidnapped so he'd never miss it intentionally.

Baku pov (/'△'＼)

I havent eaten for over 100 hours, this nauseating feeling of an empty stomach feels comforting in a way.

I've barely moved all weekend, just the occasional toss and turn but i haven't budged from this spot. I haven't even had the energy to pick it up, I've just let it ring. I cant even sleep i haven't slept at all i have done nothing. Man im so fucking useless, i cant even shower or brush my teeth im so fucking disgusting. The only fucking things I've done these past few days is cut myself to feel something, anything and just stare at the wall or the ceiling. I'm stuck.

Tomorrow i have to go, i have a perfect attendance except for when i was you know... whatever and i can't ruin it just cause i...-i I'm not actually sure if i would even have a reason, its nothing, I'm just really fucking lazy.

I won't have to go if i finally go through with it, but im too fucking useless that somehow every fucking one of my attempts have failed. i have like at least one every fucking week now, i've given up on writing letters i just dont care anymore plus if i wrote letters for every attempt well I'd need a whole damn library.

I sigh and sit up slightly, reaching for my phone. i pull off my phone case and take out the blade from there. I don't know how i feel about feeling nothing. I don't know if it hurts or if it's any better than feeling melancholic all the time. This is something i deserve, I'm sure. A punishment of some sort.

(warning depiction of Sh)

I drag the blade across my wrist, not very much pressure, it takes a few seconds but small beads of blood appear. Didn't even hurt in the slightest. I drag the blade across my skin again, slightly harder, this time the beads of blood appear much faster and grow eventually pooling together. Again no pain. I drag the blade across my wrist for a third time, much harder this time, instantly the beads of blood pooled bigger and bigger. It trickled down my arm, a drop puddle onto my thigh. I dont bother wiping it away. I want to cry because it still didnt hurt at all, my eyes dont cry and my lip doesn't quiver.
Am i even human anymore.
Am i even real.

Almost hurriedly, i drag the blade across my skin countless times not even thinking anymore, each time stronger and stronger, deeper and deeper. My hands are shaking so fucking badly, my whole body feels cold, my fingertips are like ice. My thighs, stomach and wrists are covered with thick dark blood. I've definitely hit some veins. It still doesnt hurt i can't...
I can't even feel this.
Its nothing more than a slight sting, like i've scratched myself a little too hard,
but...
is this better.
Is it better that i cant feel this right now.

.
.
.

The blinding light seaping through the ajar curtains wake me up.
I fell asleep?
But, i don't seem better at all. I though maybe some sleep would help but... it clearly didnt.
I still felt no emotions just groggy and sick, struggling to open my eyes fully. I turn my focus to my phone screen, 04:55, how is it so bright already damn. I try to sit myself up, to maybe get started on getting ready cause i will most likely not get back to sleep, but my arms tremble and give in making me drop back to lying down. I remember what i did last night, i look down at the havoc i did to myself, not an unusual occurance though.

I sigh once again and with lots of struggle i stand up, within second i couldnt even see, sick to my stomach and almost passed out but regained stability after a minute or so. Damn! I go to itch my cuts, the dried up blood flakes off and it starts bleeding again, i went really deep. I turn around to look at my bed and notice how much blood there is. Fuck! Ugh whatever i can't be arsed to clean that up. I turn back around and walk into my bathroom, i look at myself in the mirror, I look god awful. Shitting hell. I'm so damn pale, my lips are cracked, my skin is dry, my hair is greasy, my eyebags are dark and my cheeks are shallow. I rub my eyes so hard i start to see stars, i look up and the same image of my repulsive face plastered infront of me. I get lost in my own judgemental eyes, i can't bare to look anymore but i can't stop staring.
Is that really me.
I swallow and turn my back to the mirror, taking a spare hand towel to cover it.

I step out my clothes and turn on the shower, i don't step in yet. I just seem to stare at the running water. I can't stop touching my collar and hip bones, they're so prominent it's weirdly nice but why is the rest of me still so gross.

I step into the shower and stay in there seemingly forever, my head feels like tv static. I finally step out and get dressed for school after sitting on my bed in a towel for a while. I go to scratch my arm and its still wet, fuck! its still bleeding, i get my bandages and wrap my wrists and thighs decently quick.

Whenever i cut my stomach, no matter how hard i press down the blood doesn't spill out as much, the scars also fade alot faster. Theres still over an hour left untill I'm suppost to be at school, almost two hours. I sigh again, I've been sighing alot lately. The class should be unlocked an hour before form starts, so i could go early and just put my head on the desk like most days but thats still in just under an hour though. Maybe i should have some breakfast... ha im so funny joke man why would i break my fast now when i have a uh... I pick up my phone and check the life app. It reads, Elapsed 112:54:31, nice almost 113 hours.

I walk downstairs to the common room, it's dark and empty it's always like this when i walk in here. Lonely.

1458 words
i actually like this chapter i think i did pretty good. I also made this one longer cause my last chapter was a shorter one. As you can see I've added alot of anecdotes hehe 😘🙂🫠😂😋🥲😝. ew, anyway i actaully posted closer to my last chapter posted, normally theres like a month gap but no no no i did it. again i really appreciate comments and any constructive criticism or ideas i could add. Have a great day. (*^▽^)/★*☆♪
Be safe ♡♡