Consuming Voices

XIX

I never thought he'd be the type to do something like that, its so fucking stupid, like there's no point to it. It's horrible, it's just plain gross. Why, why?

Baku pov ( ω-、)

Fuck. What the fuck have i done.

I had just walked away from Kirishima, he looked so sad, why do i have to push everyone who shows me the slightest bit of kindess away. Why do i always fuck everything up. I'm the most useless fucking person ever, i just hurt everyone around me, i'm such a selfish prick. I fucking hate myself.

I slam into the dorms, being immediately ambushed by Mina, Sero and Denki and their dumb questions. Aggressively, i push through them stomping my way up to my room. Holding my breath, i try not to let out a sob thats been stuck in my throat, engulfing my heart into a shrouded darkness of misery and melancholic despair.

tw: description of sh

Falling my way through into my room, slamming the door behind me as i crash onto the floor. My hands shook as my mind itched to replace my mental feelings with physical pain. In a haze, i grabbed a small box from my bedside table opening it revealing my array of my new and used blades. I picked up a random one with blurry vision clouding my judgement.

Tremulously, i lifted up the bottom of my trousers. My lower calf and ankle, a mostly blank canvas. My jittering hands held up the blade, i push down with as much strength my weak body could withstand in the moment. I continue, quickly swiping with less strength, riding out the adrenaline until my hyperventilating calmed for now.

My conscious came back, still hazy, but i looked at the havoc i had just done upon myself. So much fucking blood. The first really deep cut was alot deeper than my brain had registered. I had hit veins, beans (the fat if you dont know just look up the layers of skin) but holy fucking shit. An off white peered through the blood, my heart dropped with slight excitement but mostly an "oh shit" feeling. My fucking bone.

My hands shook with such rigor, fuck this. I held the bloody blade up to my throat as i shut my eyes tightly taking a few deep breaths before preparing to cut.

end of sh description

"W-what the-"

A girls voice brought me to reality again as i whipped 'round to look at the source of the sound. Mina. Our eyes had interlocked into a western styled stare down. I was frozen my mind raced at a million fucking miles an hour. I couldn't think, feel, anything before a slight shake of my head, reviving my mind, woke me up. I dived for the door shutting it with a loud bang from the speed and force of my body weight against it.

I stood up to lock the door and almostly instantly felt a wave of sickness and complete light-headedness, the last thing i remember is darkness obscuring my sight and the sticky feeling of blood consuming me as my body hit the floor with a harsh thud.

...

Splash! My tired eyes opened by the vulgar feeling of water violently thrown onto my face. My head fell to the floor again, shocked, as two worries eyes looked back at me filled with tears.
"What the actual fuck is wrong with you!!?"

Mina again... I wanted to answer but my mouth wouldnt move ,my throat dried up as i just stared back at her. Guilt washed over me like holy water in a baptism, only i think this was the other way round. She held me by the shoulders as tears streamed down her face before she came down and hugged me.

I was never one for physical touch but in this moment it felt somewhat nice in an impending doom kinda way. Like the future held no good for me and this was my last second of the closest i can get to solidarity.

After what felt like a good 20 minutes i had sat up. Something felt different but i couldn't quite put my finger on it. I realised when i clenched my fist and it didnt feel sticky. I turned my palms around to face me and was met with no blood. I looked at the floor to realise there was no blood around me except for the heap of bloody tissues overflowing my bin and staining my clothes. My eyes wandered to my ankle. Bandages, she had wrapped me up. The remorse for bringing someone else into my bullshit made my head drop. My kneese were up and my head hung imbetween them, held up by my arms.

The silence that cushioned the air was broken by Mina's hoarse voice of concern.
"What the hell were you thinking."

She shook her head slightly, wiping the tears and snot that had accumulated on her cheek and upper lip, with her sleeve.
"You have to tell someone if you're struggling, we have to tell Aizawa Sensei or something."

That scentence caused me to finally be able to speak again as i rushed to get that idea out of her mind.
"No!"

She looked at me again, furrowed brows and confused eyes.
"What the hell do you mean by no, you have to, i can't not tell anyone."

Her widened eyes peirced through me.
"You can't, you just can't!... please."

I barely get over a whisper at the last part of my sentence.

She stood up from kneeling next to me and looked down at me with such disappointment and a i could clearly see how baffled she was by my statement.

"Look..."
She spoke up again.
"I don't know how long or what you've kept in, instead of talking about it but... look where it got you... look at where you are now. What good did it bring"

1025 words
Ik actually so sorry that this took so long ahjhsdhs but enjoy this angsty stuff hehe again sorry. Anyway have a good morning/afternoon/night and stay safe p(^^)q