The Hangover || Phil Wenneck

17. We know where Doug is!

I leaned on the car, with my arms crossed, next to Stu, while Alan was sitting on the front of the car and Doug was behind it, urinating on the sand, as Phil had walked away, in front of us to dial Tracy.

"I can't believe Doug's gonna miss out on his own wedding." Stu broke the silence, as the other Doug turned around in confusion. "I ain't getting married today." He piped in, as I rolled my eyes.

"Not you, dumbass! My brother, who's still fucking missing!" I yelled at him, as he just raised his eyesbrows and went back to looking down, while I ran my hands over my face in frustration.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay-" Stu tried to assure me, but I cut him off. "How is it gonna be okay, Stu?! We're back at square one! We have no idea where Doug is, the wedding is in 5 hours and we don't even know if he's safe! Or alive!" I just snapped and poured it all out, feeling tears brim in the corners of my eyes that I refused to let spill, as Stu shot me a look of sympathy, before wrapping his arms around me, bringing me in for a comforting hug.

"I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to snap at you-" I started, but he just interrupted and shooshed me.
"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. I get it. I'm worried about him too." He rubbed my back.
"I just hope he's okay." I whispered, sniffling.
"He will be." He assured me, before pulling back and looking at me, as I pulled myself together.

"You okay?" He asked, and I nodded and let out a weak 'yeah'.
"Hey, thanks for the lift back to town." The other Doug walked over to us after he'd finished, and Stu looked over to him. "I got a question for you." Stu told him.

"What's up?" Doug asked, his hands on his hips.
"How did you wind up in Chow's car?" Stu asked his question, as the three of us looked over at Doug.
"That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday." He answered. "Why though? Like, why'd he kidnap you?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

"'Cause he thought I was with you guys because we were all hanging over at the Bellagio." Doug explained to us. "What?" Stu asked, confused.
"We were at the Bellagio?" Alan questioned.

"We were shooting craps. You don't remember?" Doug asked, motioning his hand to Alan.
"No. No, we don't remember, actually." Stu told him, with mockery in his tone.
"Yeah. Because some dumbass drug dealer sold Alan, here, Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy!" I added, emphasizing ruphylin.

"Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?" Doug asked, not understanding what we were talking about.
"Wow! You are the world's shittiest drug dealer!" Stu let out a bemused chuckle. "Ruphylin, for your information, is the date-rape drug. You sold Alan roofies!" Stu informed him, as Doug came to the realization.

"Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan." Doug told him, in an apologetic tone.
"Damn! Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one!" He added, mostly talking to himself.

"Whatever." Stu muttered, as I just sighed.
"It's funny, because just the other day, me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies. You know what I'm talking about?" Doug started blabbering.

"No. Don't know what you're talking about." Stu blankly responded, shrugging.
"Why not floories, right? Because when you take them you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof." Doug continued elaborating, while I just listened, still watching Phil talk on the phone to Tracy.

"What about groundies? That's a good new name for them." Doug added, proudly.
"Or, how about rapies?" Alan suggested, causing me to roll my eyes at how immature the two were.

"Wait, what did you just say?" Stu asked Doug, looking over to him.
"Rapies." Alan answered.
"Not you. Doug, what did you say before?" Stu turned his body around to face Doug, while I just looked at him confused.

"I said groundies. No, before that. You said, "You're more likely to wind up on the floor than...." Stu trailed off, looking over at me, as both our eyes widened when i realized what he meant.

"Oh, my god. THE ROOF!" I yelled, as Stu and I ran over to Phil, Stu tackling him to the ground from behind, grabbing the phone from him.

"Tracy, it's Stu!" He exclaimed into the phone, as Phil started coughing from being winded by the tackle, as I rushed over and crouched down to help him. "What the fuck is his problem!?" He grunted.

"We know where Doug is!" I exclaimed, happily, as he sat up and just looked at me, jutting his head back, looking confused, while I crouched, grinning at him.

***

"I don't know man, it just hit me. You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?" Stu said to Phil, as Stu was now driving, while Doug, Alan and I were all crammed in the back of the car.

"Yeah, we threw it out the window." Phil nodded, looking confused. "No, impossible! You can't open windows in Vegas hotels." Stu corrected.
"Well, then how did it get–?" Phil stopped, as he finally caught on, widening his eyes.
"Oh, my God!" He exclaimed as the realization hit him, while Stu and I laughed.

"Whoa, woah, wait. What's going on?" Alan asked, not understanding what we were all talking about.
"Doug was probably trying to signal someone." I added, grinning. "Holy shit!" Phil laughed. "Wait. How did you figure that out?" Phil asked Stu, knitting his brows in confusion.

"Doug made me realize it." Stu simply told him, causing Phil's brows to furrow more. "Doug?" Phil questioned. "Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug." Stu corrected. "Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on." Doug pointed over to Stu, taking offense.
"Sorry." Stu apologized.

"Okay, can someone tell me where white Doug is?" Alan asked, still not getting it. "He's on the roof, Alan!" I told him, as he just nodded, his lips forming into an 'o' shape. "Yes! He's on the roof! We must have taken him up there on his mattress as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof!" Stu continued, as Phil leaned his head back, as it all started to make sense.

Phil and Stu began reminiscing about a time in summer camp, when they moved Doug's sleeping bag out in a jetty at the lake, except in this case they forgot where they had put Doug.

"You guys are fucking r*tarted, you know that?" Doug piped up.
"Holy shit. You think he's still up there?" Phil asked, looking over to Stu.
"There's only one way to find out." Stu replied, as he stepped his foot on the pedal for us to drive faster.