Her once true love defects to Dauntless, abandoning her.
Penelope finds herself lonesome two years later. She has everything she could ask for, but nothing is fulfilling. That's until she comes across Charlie again. Old feelings are lost but somethi...
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MY eyes slowly fluttered open but were met with darkness. As they slowly adjusted, I started putting everything in place. A part of me was expecting to be back in my bedroom, but no, I was in Eric's.
Speaking of which, the side of my face rested against his chest, feeling the soft tickling his hair brought as his chest rumbled with low snores. His arm was firmly wrapped around my waist, keeping me caged in. There was a strong urge for me to get away, but I couldn't, not with him keeping me close. I dared not to stir even a bit, because I knew he would wake, and I'd have to face him.
Face him after what happened, what, hours ago? There was a digital clock next to Eric but I knew it had been unplugged due to the fact that there came no red glaring light. It could've been close to the break of dawn, but how was I supposed to know? The one window in the room had black curtains, and they happened to be drawn. And, I couldn't risk checking Eric's watch, one I never quite gave much attention to. It so happened to be on the wrist with the arm around me.
Just go back to sleep.
I couldn't, not with my head suddenly clouded with one too many thoughts.
One being my very first time.
What I experienced, I had no words to describe. The start of it, how gentle he had been, was surprising, but I knew he was struggling to control himself. Then, once he was actually, well, in me, God, how much it hurt. It was mind-numbingly painful. Pain I had never experienced before in my life, and he was. .big, which made things worse.
My one question was if he was always going to be that. .harsh.
During it, he seemed desperate, like it was his necessity to touch me. I could clearly see the desperation but I didn't know where it came from. If he had been gentler, maybe I would've understood, but no.Pain, pain, pain—that was all I felt. I only imagined how I would feel in the morning, physically. Emotionally, I was confused. Baffled by what to feel.
Should I have been upset? I didn't know. Not with my jumbled thoughts and feelings.
Honestly, I wanted to hate Eric, but that would've done me no good. He would only brush my dislike aside and go on about how we were married.
Married.
The thought still seemed surreal. Then he was right, we were married. How much control would he have? He already had enough control over me but what more would there be? I hoped to never go back to the old ways, where he came to the point of physically abusing me.
Maybe that was why I didn't argue with him on the first night.
My first time.
I was still waiting for him to suddenly lose his sanity, and have things going back to how we had started. My mind was trying to keep up with his changes in mood, which weren't as many like before. There were a few here and there but I still caught glimpses of them. Eric, he was just a ticking time-bomb. But when would he go off?
When I didn't allow him to touch me again. When I didn't fulfill my duties as a wife? Or just when he had enough of our marriage? The marriage was never my idea in the first place. There was no say in it for the both of us, so he had no reasons to get tired of itof me.
I didn't know what to think. Things were still changing, moving so fast that I barely had time to acknowledge my surroundings. Eric was changing my life, and honestly, I didn't like it. I didn't like that I had to accommodate myself to a new place.
He was just changing everything.
Up to now, I still had no clue on what to think of him. My fear, I didn't know if it was him or the things that he could do that scared me. I didn't want to be scared of him, like he had said. He was so much better than before, but something kept telling to be careful. I just didn't want to be afraid of him, or his actions, anymore. I didn't want my stupid fear to get in the way of working things with him.
I wanted to love him how he supposedly loved me.
My tiny hand skimmed over his toned stomach, up to his chest. I tried pushing him away but he had a strong hold on me. Then there was the fact that he was a human boulder. I slowly looked up at him, expecting him to be staring down, but he was still fast asleep. His snores came low and soft, his breathing lightly washing down across my face. I placed the side of my face back against his chest but attempted to wiggle around.
A loud snore broke through and Eric stirred a bit.
"What the—"
I froze, only nuzzling my face against his chest. Eric grunted something inaudible then snaked his arm further around my waist. He pulled me closer, covering me with the blankets even more. They practically suffocated me, but I remembered Eric always worried.
"Go back to sleep, baby," he mumbled, sounding drowsy.
I said nothing in return but again buried my face into his warm chest. Eric spoke incoherently again, somehow managing to kiss the top of my head. My heart was beating at a fast rate, while I tried my best not to move or make a sound.
Minutes later, Eric's soft snores started up again. I sighed in relief but did as he said. I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would soon envelop me, and it did.
My one thought—how I would face Eric in the morning?
