Poison in my veins (BoyxBoy)

unshaded

JG•

What are you doing?

The words left my lips before I fully thought them through,knowing it was a mistake to say them but not able to take them back now.

Maybe he's asleep.Maybe he didn't hear you.

He's not and he did.Trust me.

His soft beautiful voice spoke from the bed he was in,angelic just like the rest of him is.

"You don't have to-

"Do you want to know?"

I cut him off,my insides swirling with bad memories and things that hurt me to think about for even a second.

His sweet voice whispers oh so softly.

"Yes."

I nod to myself,things better left forgotten bouncing around in my head like the pinball machine my angel played earlier tonight.

His had shiny lights and colors and funky music that played when he failed,the one in my head had dark nights and cold voices and tons of excruciating pain.

I sigh quietly to myself,trying to paint a picture he'd semi understand when I didn't even have all the colors yet.

parts of a picture,a jigsaw puzzle with pieces messing and you only have 10 seconds to guess what it is

telling not the whole story only parts,pieces that wouldn't make sense but could give a fuzzy black and white image

Memories floated in my head,so painful and exhausting I'd do anything to get them out.

"My family is odd,everyone of us is...different."

I say slowly,the more I speak the more memories that come flooding back like a nonstop waterfall.

"We're a mess,all of us are.Dangerous and evil."

From the bed I hear his sweet angelic voice.

"You're not."

I laugh quietly to myself,beautiful angel just so sure the disgusting devils not as bad as he says he is.

"I am angel,trust me."

The moon shines outsides like pretty silver diamonds,the color reminds me of Penelope and my heart just starts hurting more.

"No one else wears glasses but me.No one else hides but me.I'm...the most dangerous."

I dig my nails into my palm for reminder that I deserve the bad things I get.

"I'm the youngest in my family...but I'm the most monstrous one.I always have been."

I hear his small shape shift,can almost taste the words on his sweet tongue.

"You're not a monster."

I laugh silently once more,yes yes yes I am but you don't see it right now.

I ache to open up and tell him everything,every memory and reason behind my evil self.

But you can't tell him everything so don't even try.

But...I can tell him this.This small part yet big...I can tell him.

I wouldn't.

I sigh to myself,wars happening inside myself as my insides fight over who's wrong and who's right and what will the beautiful angel think of me?