Poison in my veins (BoyxBoy)

bad memories and scary sounds

JG•

"I-I don't wanna do it."

Four year old me cowers against a closet wall,thinking maybe if I wished hard enough it would swallow me and protect me from the people around me.

My siblings stand in a circle,all eyes on me as they stare at me with fake smiles on their faces.

"Come on,it's fun.We've all done it at least once."

Icy blue eyes speak as a smirk forms on his face,clown faces staring at me in a freak show as they all watch me closely.

"Y-you have?"

My eyes are big in fear but they won't see,glasses I wear cause mother says I can never ever take them off.

My small fingers twist in my shirt nervously,a stuffed bear I hold in my hand as I look around at the faces that tower over me.

"Oh yeah.It's a lot of fun and it's really cool."

Another sibling speaks,loud voice as he smiles the smile a lot of girls and boys seem to like when they come to visit.

"It's really really fun."

My head swivels as another sibling speaks,different voices all pointed down to me as they slip words from their mouth.

"All our friends have done it."

Another sibling speaks to me,my small fingers hold my bear tight to my chest as I bite my lip while listening to the words they say.

Eyes all stare at me,blue eyes and brown eyes all watching me like I'm a science project they've been ordered to watch.

Like rats in cages,my brothers rat died when he wanted to cut open his brain with mothers sparkly pink glitter scissors and now I find science scary.

I stare up with big eyes though they won't see them,mother says glasses must always stay on.

"A-all your friends?"

Little me asks in a small voice,afraid of the task as they stare down at me with doggy nodding heads.

"Absolutely."

Icy eyes smiles and probably thinks I'll say yes,no no no wanting from my mouth cause it sounds scary and I'm afraid.

"I-I don't think I-I shou-

"Mother and father have done it."

Softer voice than all the rest speaks out,my eyes turn the way to my sister who stares down at me with softer eyes than the others.

"T-they have?"

My small fingers tighten on my bear,wishing he was alive to protect me from the scary thing my siblings say is fun.

A nod of her head is done,something sparkling in her eyes that I've seen many times from others.

"Yes they have...and they would be very proud and happy if you did it too."

Softer voice than most,I imagine that's how mother speaks but I wouldn't know.

Little me twists my shirt tighter,not so afraid if mother and father have done this task.

"Really?"

Promise promise promise me they'll be proud and happy,happy looks is what little me wants and if this is what I have to do...