Secretly Yours, (Enhypen Jay X Female OC)

Ch. 6: The Things We Wanted

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... Huh?

I jerk when I feel my head tilting forward, and I eventually realize that I had fallen asleep as I grip the edge of the arm rest to steady myself. For a moment, I feel disoriented like I had forgotten where I am, but a few seconds later, I rub my eyes as I adjust my sitting position to a more comfortable one again.

"You could have used your neck pillow since you have one."

"Huh?" My eyes widen for a second, and I turn to my left towards the kid with glasses who just so happens to be reading now instead of sleeping with his head on my shoulder.

"It would have helped you make sure you don't get your head anywhere else while you sleep."

He sounds sassy. But how could he even think he has the right to say that when he's the one who got his head on my shoulder some minutes ago?

"... I wasn't really planning on dozing off," I reply nervously as I look away from him.

It's best that I keep our conversation short. Anyway, it's not like this kid would want to talk anyone since he's reading his textbook.

He really didn't say anything anymore. Not even a sign that he had heard what I said. It pisses me off for a moment, but I just let it go as I turn to my bag sitting on the floor infront of me, and I take out a book.

A novel, to be precise. One I had read before, but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to read again.

Though it is tragic, especially with a protagonist who can't seem to remember her lover's name despite remembering everything else.

I get lost in it eventually, and yet my mind continues to linger on the girl from my youth as I read the pages.

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When I got my first phone in my last year in middle school, Sawol still didn't have her own. And so, because we were close friends, I did often let her borrow mine.

Not that she borrowed it often. If anything, the thing she was most fascinated with on my phone was the high-quality camera which she would often use to take photos of random miniscule objects around my yard.

The phone made another shutter sound, and I tilted my head as I stood behind Sawol to see what she had taken a picture of this time. My eyes soon landed on a ladybug sitting on a blade of grass, before Sawol turned to me abruptly, and my eyes widened before I let out a yelp as I stepped back.

"W-what?" I asked in a panicked tone, which rightfully surprised Sawol who looked at me cluelessly.

Right. I'm the only one who's still panicking from that janitor's closet incident.

I doubt she even remembered it, which kinda showed with how she was still behaving like she always did. "What is it? What were you scared of the ladybug?" She then proceeded to look at me mischievously, and I huffed and folded my arms as I turned away from her.

"No!" I replied, trying to play it cool though I couldn't deny the heat I felt coming up my cheeks.

Sawol only laughed in response, before she stood up and showed my phone to me, with her newly-taken photo on the screen. A smile adorned her face as she spoke. "Oh, come on now! How can you be so scared of a ladybug? Look at how cute it is!"

"That's really not what it is..." I tried to tell her, only for the words to come out in a soft mumble as I realized that they would only bring more questions. "Yeah, I guess it is," was what came out more audibly out of me in the end.

Nevertheless, I had the photos Sawol took developed when I could, and I made sure to insert them in the next letter I wrote to her.

When I did, I hoped maybe I'd find the courage to actually give it to her upfront like she did with her first letter to me. It took a lot of courage, indeed, but I managed to give it to her the next morning eventually, before we both walked to school.

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Did I mention that Sawol and I were really into dancing as well?

Well, I was more aware of my own interest in that field, of course. But as for Sawol, for some reason, I only ever realized that she liked it, too, when I joined a dance competition at school and I saw her watching me practice with very intent eyes.

"W-what is it?" I asked when I noticed, stopping as I turned to the bench she sat on and feeling like I'm being glared at.

Anyone would think that if they saw the way she was looking at me, though. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was judging me with her narrowed eyes and furrowed brows.

But in reality, turns out, she was just observing my movements. I looked at her for a bit more, and then I noticed she had a strange look in her eyes.

It took me one more moment to just face her and hold my hand out, and she looked at me curiously in response. "... Do you want to learn, too?"

She blinked with her big eyes for a moment, and then she smiled playfully as she narrowed her eyes at me yet again. "Eyy, will you really teach me?"

"What makes you think I won't?" I asked back with my own eyes now narrowed at her as well.

She only laughed in response this time before she stood up, disregarding my hand. In a bit of a panic, I widened my eyes as I took a step back, and then I met her eyes...

I froze for a moment when I saw a longing look in them, rather ironic to the smile she had on her face. And then Sawol was suddenly standing right infront of me.

"Teach me, then. Let's see if I actually get better this time."

That day, I found out just how much Sawol had always been into dancing. As I thought her, she told me. And as I explained, she showed just how willing she was to learn.

Previously, she had been wanting to do ballet, but according to her, due to her family's financial status, learning the dance was never really an option for her. Not to mention how her parents didn't really believe in the practicality of pursuing dreams of that kind...

"You know, you look cool when you dance," Sawol suddenly commented at one point, while she was resting back on the benches and I was back to practicing alone. Her words made me pause almost immediately, though, as I stumbled for a second, before I turned to her with furrowed brows.

"All of a sudden?"

And then she began whining all of a sudden. "Wah~ How unfair! How come you always have all the cooler things? You have the cooler name, the cooler house, and you're even cooler at the things you can do... What about me?"

"W-what?" I asked, but my tone was incredulous this time as I began to find Sawol silly.

And then I realized something. It had been four years since the time I've said those comments about her name and her house...

Sawol really took every comment I gave her to heart. But whether it was a bad or good comment, I still wasn't really sure at the time which one really stuck to her for longer. Though, as I gathered the courage to give a reply that day, I hoped it was the latter she remembered more...

"Well... you're still definitely smarter than me..."

Sawol blinked again. "... Am I?" And then she furrowed her brows as she looked back up at me.

I didn't know if she was just testing me when she asked. It was already enough to make me flustered just getting ready to compliment her... Though I don't think she ever understood that at that time.

I just looked away from her as I folded my arms and I felt my face getting all hot. "I said, you're smart... And yeah, I mean it."

I think she did remember that for quite a while.

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If only she remembered it for a bit longer...