Secretly Yours, (Enhypen Jay X Female OC)

Ch. 29: The Problem

"He's busy reading a novel again. I don't think anything we have to tell him will make him want to go out with us... Well, unless we have Sawol, that is."

I heard Sunghoon speaking with an unimpressed tone to the person standing outside the door. In my curiosity, I finally looked up from my book, and then I turned my head to look towards the door, seeing Yunjin standing outside.

Her brows rose as soon as our eyes met. And I responded in the same way.

I guess... I've been avoiding Yunjin, too.

How could I not, after all? Sawol was her best friend, too, and if I ever did anything to hurt her...

I quickly looked away, not wanting to initiate any sort of interaction with her. I'm sure she knew, anyway, that I haven't been responding to any of Sawol's letters. By now, Sawol could have told her already, and the thought of that just made it harder for me to think of anything to say.

I just continued reading my book, feigning no interest in whatever plan they had.

Not that I really wasn't interested... I was just scared.

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.

.

I was a coward then. And I continue to be a coward now.

Look at me shaking at just the thought of having to see Sawol and her parents again.

After all the drama...

Ha...

Wow, how can I even have the audacity to just show up infront of their face, huh?

Should I just go back home first like Mom told me to? Or...

Though, the more I think about it, the more I keep feeling like it would do me so much better if I just went and visited Sawol first.

Walking towards my destination, I come across an empty playground. I stop in my tracks as I look at it, and the wind blows, playing with my coat as I look at all the slides and swings, empty, but nevertheless alive with the wind and the leaves playing among it.

This wasn't here back then, was it?

But there was one just like this back in Seoul.

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"Hey, Jay! Jay! Wait up! I know you heard me! Jay!"

Of course, soon the day that Yunjin would interrogate me would come. Though, it definitely took longer than I expected.

Was two months really whatit had to take for her to find out?

I kept walking,pretending not to hear her as I passed the playground where there were barely any people due to the rain that had happened just a while ago. ButI took one more step, and all of a sudden, I felt a grip on my arm, making me turn around abruptly just to come face to face with Yunjin.

She looked like she was about to slap me.

But she didn't. Why didn't she?

"What... What's this about?" she asked, seeking explanation before she would come to some sort of conclusion as to what to do with me, probably.

"What's what about?" I asked back, still pretending not to know anything, and it clearly annoyed her for a moment as she furrowed her brows amd I saw her hand curling into a fist at her side.

Just why won't she punch me already?

"Sawol told me you haven't been replying to her letters. Is that true?" She then proceeded to ask, and while I avoided her eyes, I really couldn't ignore the pleading tone in her voice. It made me feel sick. "Hey. Tell me there's nothing wrong going on actually. Tell me you've been sending letters but something keeps coming up at the post office... Hey, you know you're her biggest support system, right? How can you just abandon–"

"It was for her own good, alright?"

"HOW THE HELL IS YOU IGNORING HER FOR HER OWN GOOD?!"

Yunjin snapped, and so did I, I guess. Because how could I go and lie to her face like that about Sawol?

Did I really believe that? Did I really believe that I was a bad influence on her? Or was I just scared of what her Dad might do if I kept writing her letters?

I don't... know.

I just felt so trapped. We were so far away from each other and there was really nothing I could do. And we were just... children.

As much as I hated the thought. As much as I would love to deny it and pretend we had all the freedom in the world, but we were both really just tied down. Sawol, especially, was most unfortunate, and yet it felt like a chain around my neck everytime I thought about how I couldn't really save her.

I'm no hero. And the worst thingabout it was, I couldn't be hers.

"Hey," Yunjin made me face her and look her in the eyes, and I couldn't even look for that long because of her red face and the apparent anger on her face. And I knew I had already really, really messed up by then. "What exactly is your problem, Jay?" she asked me again.

I fought the tears that were coming up out of my eyes hard, because I knew that crying with no explanation given would only just make this whole thing worse.

But... I still really didn't know what to say.

And I gulped as I took a step back and avoided Yunjin's eyes again as I replied. "Look. You wouldn't understand. Sawol would probably do so much better without me, and if I just keep distracting her by sending her letters–"

Slap!

My eyes flew open upon the impact of Yunjin's hand on my cheek, and they remained wide as I kept my head turned to the side. She continued talking, sounding so mad and disappointed, that her words hurt more than the slap she gave me.

"I always knew you were such a coward who didn't know what to do with his own feelings and the issues surrounding him. You just keep proving me right even until now, huh? Listen closely, Jay Park! If you keep hurting Sawol like this, then you might as well never talk to her again, understand?"

I didn't respond. Whether in words or in action, as I remained frozen where I was, unable to move all of a sudden.

But Yunjin took it as a "yes", it seemed, as she walked past me, bumping into my shoulder as she did so, and sending me stumbling backward as every single realization came crashing down on me.

Do I still even have time to fix everything?

In a few more months, Sawol's gonna be coming to Seoul, too... Will I even be able to fix anything before then?

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"Mom! Mom! I wanna go on the slide!"

I come back to the present when I hear a child crying out those words, and I turn my head to see that very child pulling their mother towards the playground while their mother tries to tell that they can't because they have to go home as soon as possible.

A small smile forms on my face as I watch that scenery, and then I turn away from the playground as I continue walking.

Oh, if only it was so much easier to say what I had on my mind that time. Then maybe I could have been able to do better.