Secretly Yours, (Enhypen Jay X Female OC)

Ch. 30: The Secrets Untold

"Seriously, though, what's really gotten into you these days?" Sunghoon asked, leaning against the door frame at the threshold of our dorm while I kept myself busy with assignments. "You always made yourself even more busy with writing letters for Sawol rather than with homework. And now?"

I just kept quiet, still not knowing how to respond to those kinds of questions as I took a ruler from the corner of my desk and started drawing margins.

"Hey. Jay, come on! Are you seriously not gonna do anything about this? What are you gonna do when Sawol finally comes to Seoul?"

"I'll just simply not go see her. That's what Yunjin said after all, wasn't it?"

"That was supposed to be a threat to make you do something about this situation. Are you really that dense?"

Again, I didn't say anything, as I fi ished drawing the second margin right before Sunghoon suddenly grabbed the ruler from me. "Hey!"

"Listen to me, will ya? Just what the hell exactly is the reason you've been nonchalant about Sawol?! That's not like you at all!"

I stood up as my temper got worse, and I faced Sunghoon as I ended up raising my voice. "How is that any of your business?!"

"You love her!"

"Of course, I do! I love her, that's exactly why I've been ignoring her because how else is she gonna find a better life if I keep interfering and having a bad influence on her!"

All of a sudden, Sunghoon fell silent, but when I looked back at him, his brows were furrowed, like he was just completely confused by what I just said.

It might have sounded crazy after all.

But then his expression changed into anger as he seemed to quickly realize where all of this was coming from. "Who... who told you that?"

I quickly turned away, not wanting to reveal anything else. If I told Sunghoon about the letter from Sawol's dad, he's definitely gonna tell me that he was wrong, and that I've been too paranoid. But what if it was true??

"Jay, who told you that?!"

"It was no one, alright?!" I yelled back at him, one last time as I shoved his arm away just as he was about to place his hand on my shoulder. For a moment, I glared at him, but not even knowing anymore just who or what I was mad at before I stormed out of our dorm.

I was... clearly frustrated and confused about a lot of things, and by that point, I was starting to fear that - in my confusion - I wouldn't really know how to take my anger out properly.

But...

Ha...

A sigh came out of me as soon as I found myself standing at the intersection of a familiar-looking street.

This place was filled with lots of roses when I was last here...

I bit my lip as the memories of that day started coming back to me, and my frustration decided to take the form of hot tears forming in my eyes.

I could have done better... I really could have... But why is this so hard?

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"Oh? Jongseong! You're back?"

I flinch at the sound of that familiar voice all of a sudden, before I quickly turn to the source to see Mrs. Son, my middle school teacher, just as she's approaching the playground with her son.

"O-oh, Mrs. Son! Good to see you again," I reply nervously, pairing my words with a small wave that just makes it even more awkward.

It's a good thing Mrs. Son knows how to carry conversations. Otherwise, I don't think I would be able to survive this interaction.

"Good to see you, too! It's always nice to see my students again out in the open. Say, are you coming back here for your academic break?"

"Seems like it, but I guess you could say I came back because I owe someone a visit." My nervous smile remains as I replied, but after the group of words I just mentioned, all of a sudden, Mrs. Son's face drops.

It doesn't really take a genius to understand why.

"Oh..." Her voice softens, and then so do her eyes as she looks at me. "How have you been, by the way?"

Just like usual, I just wear a smile on my face before I reply. "I've been well. Don't worry."

I guess, it's no surprise that almost everyone I know knows...

After all, Sawol and I were inseparable...

Back in the day, at least.

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"Ugh, that's not it... No. No, no, no. I really can't think of what to say. Ugh, should I just give up?!" I yelled out in frustration, slamming my pen on the convenience store table, and beside the eleventh letter I've written as an attempt to reach out to Sawol again.

It's getting late. But I really couldn't sleep. And I felt the only way I could solve that was if I actually finally faced and did something about the problem I had on hand.

But how am I even supposed to do any of that when none of the letters I'm writing seem to work?!

The bell above the store's door chimes, but I don't pay much attention to it as I look back at the failed letter in front of me, tapping the pen restlessly beside it as I reread the content as if that would help.

And then I heard a voice, just as someone appeared standing beside me.

"Jay. It's late. Let's go back," Sunghoon spoke with a calm but slightly demanding tone as I felt his gaze on me.

I furrowed my brows in response, refusing to look at him as I tried to focus on my letters more.

But he stayed stubborn, as he grabbed my arm, and spoke again to try and convince me to go back with him. "You'll get locked out of the dorm if you don't get in by eleven o' clock. Let's go."

I shoved his arm away again as I argued back. "Leave me alone! You wanted me to do this, didn't you?"

"You can do it while in the dorm, and you can definitely do it once you're in a better mood. Clearly, this isn't the best time for you to write your letter to Sawol-"

"How would you know?!" I raised my voice again, as I stood up and faced Sunghoon, glaring at him. I didn't care anymore that he was better at fighting than I was. I just knew that I was getting more and more frustrated the more seconds passed. "How would you know anything, huh? You weren't there when Sawol and I first met. You weren't there when I wrote my first letter to her, not knowing how to apologize for what I had done. You weren't there when I was being bullied and she still stood up for me even after I bullied her the first time we met. And you definitely weren't there either during all those times I wanted to save her from her dad but all I could do was stand by and watch! You wouldn't know because you're not a coward just like I am!"

Once again, Sunghoon froze, and he looked at me with furrowed brows for a moment before he spoke slowly. "Sawol... wouldn't like it if the letter you wrote her was forced."

"I know, dammit, I know! Stop telling me things I already know just because I can't do them!"

I felt eyes on the both of us. But I was still in the midst of exploding with my emotions that I didn't even care anymore. If anything, I just really wanted to punch Sunghoon as if that would make me feel better somehow.

But my frustration that had turned to anger slowly turned to desperation. And in response, I ended up sitting back down and gripping the failed letters tightly in my hand while I grabbed my hair with the other. It didn't take long before I felt Sunghoon's hand on my shoulder, but all that did was make my chest feel heavier, as I finally spoke again with a shaking voice.

"I don't... know how to help her, Sunghoon. I really want to, but I don't know how... Just what exactly should I do?"