when love dies [akkayan]

aftermath

Top POV

From what I could gather, Ray's mysterious guy, the one he ran away from, is Akk. And the guy Akk has been telling me about, the one he hurt, is Ray. But Akk told me his name was Aye, so there's definitely something that doesn't add up here.

Ray told me his ex didn't love him anymore. Akk clearly still loves this Aye guy. Is Aye actually Ray? Has he been lying this entire time? I mean, if they are the ones the other had been talking about, I can tell why Ray would think Akk didn't love him anymore. If I had the story without knowing about AKk's fears and insecurities I would think the same as well. And from hearing both sides, I can tell Ray didn't lie about anything, anything he told me his ex did - or didn't do - Akk told me about as well. But why did he lie about his name?

"Is Ray...?" One look at Mew and I can understand he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my story to tell, okay?"

"Well, can you tell it now? Because I know almost everything...but the details I don't know seem very important."

I'm not mad, or angry. I just don't understand. Me and Ray have been becoming close friends lately. I would think he trusts me enough.

At the same time, some things are just really hard to talk about.

"That night I brought Ray home? I found him trying to kill himself."

I was right, the details are really important.

"He was on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump, and I couldn't let him do that. He was so broken Top, you saw him the next morning, he was completely done with everything. Look, I don't know what Akk told you, but..."

"He told me everything, he knows it was his fault, he knows exactly what he did, he never put any blame on Ray."

"Well, at least he had that right..."

"But he kept calling him Ayan, Mew. Why?"

"Because that's his name." So that's where the lie lies, his name. Is that just it? "He needed a change, that's why I offered to help him. Uni, cities, house...I gave him the idea to change his name, to feel like he was really cutting ties with his past and he took it. He never lied about anything Top, I promise you, he just wanted a fresh start."

"I'm not mad Mew, I promise. Just surprised. And honestly trying to reconcile the person Ray talks about and the Akk I know. That guy loves Ray like crazy, I've been seeing it."

"Maybe he does Top, but he hurt him. Ray just recently got back to his old friends, I don't think he was ready to see Akk again, not yet at least."

"I can understand both of them, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"I know your ultimatum was your way of begging me to love you enough to save myself, Mew."

"I'm so sorry about that, I never meant to..." I cut him off, I don't need him to apologize, He doesn't have to. It was the push he needed.

"It's okay, I needed that...And Aye, I mean Ray, was begging Akk to love him enough to overcome his fears too, everyday for months, that night was the last straw, just like you with me. But I can see myself in Akk, the fear, the trauma, your mind can be a very scary place."

"When did you become so smart?"

I shrug "Guess you're rubbing off on me."

Next thing I know his lips are on my. And boy how I missed them. I let myself get lost on his taste, on his touch. When we come back for air, Ray and Akk are standing in front of us. Their eyes are red and puffy, it's obvious they have been crying, and they both need some space and to rest. So we choose to say our goodbyes. Ray has been doing everything in his power to help me, this is something I can do for him. And plus tomorrow they are going to be here again. Soon enough I will be home.

I kiss Mew again, and hug Ray. They both say their goodbyes to Akk, and then it's just the two of us, again.

"You know, you have no excuse now..."

"What do you mean?"

"You are gonna be here every day when they come..." he tries to interrupt me, but I'm not done. "No, I have two weeks left, I'm going to make sure you are at a better place before I go back home, I promise you."

"He told me he still loves, you know?"

Akk is smiling, in a way that could light up the entire world. In a complete dark room that smile would work like a lightbulb. Of course I know Ray still loves him. The entire world can tell just by looking at them.

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