Stray Kids Imagines

3racha x reader (requested)

eating disorders, c!tting, childhood tramua

they were going to be at dance practice for hours. this is the perfect time. they have a full schedule today.

chan, changbin, and jisung had explained to you how they had a full schedule today. dance practice at 9, filiming at 1, photoshoots at 6, recording at 8. it was perfect. no having to make excuses for not eating, not having to hide in the bathroom for long periods of time, just a day to do whatever you pleased. and that's exactly what you did.

as soon as you recognized all three of their footsteps leaving the house and closing the door, not in a way to make you believe they were gone but actually were gone, then heard the engine start and the car drive away, you sighed in relief. it's not that you didn't love them, it's that you didn't want to bother them.

if I were to tell them whats going on, no good would come of it. they would get mad, tell me that I just need to be happy, like my dad did. it's better if I keep quiet, it's not like it's that big of a deal anyways.

"shit..I should eat." you mutter and slowly get up, ignoring the dizziness that hits you. you walk downstairs to the kitchen to look for something to eat. you had a specific "snack" (as you had to call them infront of han) drawer that you usually ate from that was tucked away and more hidden.

when one day han had found it you asked him not to touch it or tell anyone about it. but now they were all gone. you sighed and looked around for something to eat. but everything that was there was something you couldn't eat. your stomach was rumbling by now, begging for food.

so you went upstairs to your room and checked for any "snacks" or leftovers. chan, the designated cook of the house because the other two couldn't do it, always gave you such large portions so you always stored the extra in a container and kept it in your mini fridge for later. but there was nothing there. it's like someone came in and stole everything you had.

"I'll just wait till they come back. it should be fine." you shrug but couldn't shake the pain your stomach was in. so you drank some water and went to the bathroom to take your appetite suppressants. "this should hold me over till they come back." you take some and lay down, playing on your phone and drinking more water to stop the hunger.

you decided against exercising since you hadn't planned on eating anything all day, even though you knew you should work out. so to make up for not doing so, you grabbed a blade from your bedside drawer and glided it across your skin, hissing softly. you did so until you were satisfied and decided to text han to see if he knew about your meals.

hey han?

yes y/nie?

do you know what happened to my snacks and leftovers? they're gone.

no idea. but y/n, we have plenty of food at the house. why not have something else?

no thanks, I'll just go to the store. if you know who has them please just give them back.

y/n.... you can eat our food. is it because of price? don't worry about that. we just want you to eat well.

no it's not about price. don't worry, I'll eat something.

you sighed as you grew more suspicious of him "he definitely knows something..." but you just ignored it.

boredom wasn't even half of what you were feeling. nothing sounded interesting and everything sounded too exhausting. especially with all of the negative thoughts spiraling in your head. each rotating around from the front to the back of your mind. it sucked, being stuck in such a horrible loop that was definitely pulling you deeper into the black hole of depression, but you had no choice.