YELLOW | yj x bg

☀︎ forty.

—yeonjun

It was a running joke between me and the others how you're constantly hungry. How your stomach constantly rumbles on your way to school, between classes, at break, during free lessons.

We used to make jokes about how the reason for your malnourishment must be because your mother is not be feeding you enough, completely disregarding the fact that it could very well be a possibility.

Now, looking back and seeing how we had the audacity to point out such things, even though we meant it as entertainment purposes, makes me feel like a villain. I should have noticed earlier.

I should have noticed that the reason for such a big bruise on your stomach can't just be because you tripped stepping off from the bus (a believable lie because of how naturally clumsy you are).

I should have noticed when you got a heatstroke during gym because you were so low on energy. I should have noticed that you dozing off without warning on your desk wasn't just because of laziness, but rather because of something more serious.

You used to rush home as soon as you got a call from your mom, she'd get angry if you weren't at home before she returned home from work. You used to say that as soon as you turn 18, you're going to get your drivers license and leave town with the four of us.

I didn't see the underlying meaning earlier, but now I know exactly why you want to leave and never look back.

I'm sorry you had to go through all these things, Beomgyu. All of it by yourself, all of it in secret. But most of all, I'm sorry that I couldn't prove myself a worthy enough candidate for you to share your deepest worries and troubles with me.

And I'm sorry for selfishly and endlessly poured down my long list of insignificant troubles down your throat, when you were clearly suffering through something much more definite.

But I'll promise you this: I'll never let it happen again.