His Dirty Secret( JinKook)

Onward

Heejin woke up from her slumber, stirred by the noise coming from her living area. Blinking away sleep, she opened her eyes to notice lights seeping through the gap under the door. Concerned that her kids might need something, she quickly got up and went to the room but to her surprise she found Jin standing there

"Why are you up, honey? Are you okay? Are you sick?" Hee Jin's voice carried genuine concern. Jin had been sick all evening and had gone to bed tired, she wondered if he was not feeling well again

Jin sat down near the window looking out with a distant look in his eyes "No," he shook his head

Heejin paused, sensing an underlying nervousness with in him . She moved closer, taking a seat beside him and looked at him intently. "I heard noises and got worried, so I came to check. Are you okay? Are you nauseous? Do you want something?"she asked again

Jin shook his head again. Heejin ,aware that he was hiding something, placed a comforting hand on Jin's arm, gently stroking it. "Talk to me. Are you worried? Whatever it is, consider me as your mom for now and Tell me please.." she insisted.

Jin met her gaze with his almond shaped eyes "I'm just scared." He confessed after a moment of hesitation

Heejin nodded. "Oh, about going back to your family? Is that it!"

Jin sighed. "And everything else... about the future... " he paused before continuing " about me!! I couldn't really sleep..I feel like it's a bad decision that I decided to keep this baby." He said looking at his belly.

Heejin's eyes widened, not understanding why he was suddenly rethinking his choices when he appeared really happy about being pregnant before . "Why, honey? What happened suddenly? You looked really happy and excited about this before!." She asked , confused

Jin shook his head with glassy eyes.."Mom, I saw how you are. You're so good with Jungkook and Jeonghan. You're a good mother, and its effects show up on both of them..." his voice trembled as he spoke "Like ..Jungkook is a very good person, he has a heart of gold and he is so sweet...and they both love you so much too...I m sure it's because you are a terrific mother..But mine... I don't know!! What if I become like them, and my baby ends up hating me?"

"That's very unlikely, honey."Heejin gave him a sad smile, understanding his concerns. She knew from Jimin that Taheyung's parents were a handful and was really not very warm to their kids.

Jin sniffled. "No, Mom...like What if... what if I turn abusive like my dad? Our Dad used to hit us a lot..well up to our late teenage years, until our grandfather threatened him to stop...He was so aggressive...he gets angry at even the smallest things..Tae was just a baby and he still hit him a lot...And Mom, she never once said anything good to me. All she ever sees is faults in me...What if I'm like them? I know new parents often have difficulty with kids, and what if out of frustration, I too hit my baby? And .." he trailed off tears welling up in his eyes.

Heejin sighed , she felt a pang of pain inside her knowing that Jin didn't have any positive experiences frim his parents..and it's now making him self doubt about his ability in parenting. She wiped Jin's tears away and caressed his cheeks softly "You realise that what happened to you was wrong. That's a big thing. It's true that we get traits from parents, but it doesn't define us. It's not who we are. You know what happened to you was wrong. So even if you get angry or even if you have the desire to micromanage your kids...you know you are wrong and you can stop yourself, right?"

"I don't know, Mom." Jin shook his head pouting slightly with his lips trembling

Heejin held to his hands offering him her support "Honey, being a parent is difficult. Yes!! , I agree! It's a lifetime of worries about their well-being...look at me ..my two kids are old enough to have kids of their own and i m still worried about them every minute...But these things you worry about...its silly!! I know you can do it. Look at you sitting here, already worried about their well-being even when the baby is not even the size of a grape inside you. " she smiled and cupped his cheeks