can't be friends

safety net - 3

JJ's POV
A few days later

I get back from class and I got emily some sushi because she's been studying really hard for her biology exam coming on Friday.

"Hey" I open the door to see her at her desk, nose deep in a text book. "I brought you food." I pass her the sushi. "Oof I love this sushi, you remembered." She smiled, referring to an earlier conversation about random foods.

"Yeah, I knew you probably haven't eaten either." I put my bag down. "Hey do you wanna go to the campus store with me later? I could use a break from studying." She says. "I would but I have practice, I have a game coming up." "Oh I forgot. Is it home?" She asks. "Yeah, against Monmouth. You should come." I say. "I'll be there."

I go and plop down on my bed and start some homework. Emily put on some calm music as we both got to work.

~

"Hey can I ask you something?" I look up from my notebook. "Yeah what's up." Emily writes something down on a flash card.

"When we went bowling the other day, were you and derek talking about me? I don't mean to be like annoying or anything but I just felt like you were." I say. "Oh... um- it's not like that... we weren't saying anything bad it's just that uh- Derek has a crush on you." She says, somewhat biting her tongue.

"Really?" I say. "Yeah... he won't stop talking about you and I keep having to tell him that he doesn't have a chance." "Oh." I laugh. "Unless he does of course!" She adds. She seems kinda nervous, almost frantic.

"Do you want me to set you up with him?" Emily asks. "No," I laugh "I'm not interested in him."

"Do you like anybody?" She asks. "Kind of." I say looking down at my paper.

She gets quiet... "who? I mean if you want to share."

"I'd rather not." I say, tucking my hair behind my ear.

There's an awkward silence between us before we both return back to our work. It's weird like I feel the need to always impress her. From the first time we met on move in day like she's just so effortlessly cool, and fun to be around. It's like I crave her validation and attention. But she doesn't even look at me that way.

I start to pack up my stuff and I walk out the room forgetting to day goodbye, heading off to practice.

"Game coming up girls, and it's home!" Coach Brielle says as we do our warm ups.  

We started doing drills and I could barely focus on them because for some reason my mind kept going back to the same person - Emily.

I need to get over this, all because of some dream. She doesn't even see me this way, but then sometimes I think she does because of little comments she makes towards me or because sometimes I'll catch her staring a little too long. I don't think she can be my roommate anymore. Cause I think I'm actually starting to catch feelings for her.

"Jareau!" Coach shouts, "You're one of our best players get your head in the game."

I divert my affection back to soccer, but I couldn't help but think about her and it's driving me crazy.

We started up a mock game and split into two teams and versed each other. My teammate passed me the ball and I completely missed it. What is going on. Coach blows the whistle. "JJ what's going on with you today?!" She shouts.

I simply just shrug my shoulders because she's never yelled at me before. "Get it together. You can't be missing passes at the game."

-

"Hey you okay?" Jordan my teammate walks up to me in the locker room. "Yeah. Why?" "You seemed off today. Wasn't one of your best playing days." She says. "Yeah well everybody has those days right." I smile lightly. "Yeah you're right. I just wanted to check in." She says. "Thank you. I appreciate it." I smile

I grab my shit and walk to my dorm. The older girls offered to drive me since it is kind of a far walk but I just wanted to be myself right now so I could figure out  what was going on in my head.

I walked past the campus store and noticed the brownies emily had got me. I went in and purchased the same ones without even realizing I was doing it.

I head back to the dorm and shuffle my kegs in the door. "Got brownies!" I say and pass them to emily. "Two things in one day what did I do to deserve all of this." She smiles as she takes them.  

I plop down on my bed, desperately needing a shower but I have no energy to do so. "How was practice?" She asks. "Bad." I grunt. "Why?" She spins her chair to face me.

"Coach yelled at me for the first time. And it was multiple times. I just played really bad today." I sigh. "Everybody has bad days. I'm sure your coach can tell that it was just an off day." "Yeah I know. I'm just annoyed at myself." "Don't be too hard on yourself. You did the best you could in those given moments." She says.

I look over at her and admire how pretty she is... her dark eyes and dark hair and she's just, perfect.

"Emily.." I say. "Yeah?"

I pause for a moment. "Never mind." "Uh- is everything okay?" She asks. "Yes I just- forget about it." "Okay." She turns around and goes back to her studying. I notice the occasional glances she gives me and I find it cute.

I'm never getting over the fact that I feel this way over a dream.