Emily fell first, JJ fell harder
jj and emily are sophomores in college and their room selections got messed up. emily wanted to room with Elle while jj wanted to room penelope. instead they have to live with each other. will one night together tur...
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Emily's POV
I woke up to JJ in my shirt once again. I actually find it adorable when she does this now. At first I was kinda confused but now it's so cute.
I poured my heart out to her yesterday about how I've been feeling and she's been nothing but helpful and so caring. I was scared that I would make her worried but she was right, she worries all the time anyway there's no making the woman more worried.
"Good morning princess." I smile as she wakes up. "Mm good morning love." She kisses me, maneuvering her way out of my shirt.
"I'm gonna go shower okay?" I say. "Okay." She smiles and then quickly drops her smile. "Can I come?" She asks, "I miss you." She adds.
"Yeah! You okay?" I ask. "Yeah why wouldn't I be?" She goes to get changed into her robe, something was off. "You said I couldn't hold my emotions in anymore which means you can't either." I cross my arms. "There's nothing wrong Em." She laughs.
We hopped in the shower and JJ had her arms wrapped around me pretty much the whole time, she only moved when I had to wash my back. "Someone's clingy today." I giggle.
"I just want cuddles!" She jokes.
We get out and go back to change. Usually JJ walks out first and I'll follow after but today JJ insisted I leave the bathroom first.
I rummage through my clothes to find something comfortable to wear and I come across an old crewneck that I never wear anymore but JJ loves it.
I throw on my clothes and grab the crewneck, then forgetting what I was doing and I grabbed a Protein drink from the fridge.
"Oh JJ do you want this crewneck? I never wear it anymore." I say and it's like her life flashed before her eyes. My eyebrows furrow... did I say something wrong? It's like she was frozen in place after I said that. "Uhh- sure yeah I love that crewneck." She says twiddling her thumbs- which she only does when she's anxious. Then I notice her involuntarily biting the inside of her cheek which is her number 1 tell that she's anxious. She turns away to make our bed and I could just tell her brain was moving 5 million miles a minute.
"Stressed about soccer?" I ask. "What? Oh.. yeah." She says. Liar.
I wheel the chair over to her and grabbed her waist. "JJ I cried my heart out to you for hours yesterday. You said yourself we can't let our emotions bottle up anymore and we have to talk to each other. What's going on." I say.
"Nothing Em. It's not about me." She says. "What do you mean?" I ask. "You're not doing good so I'm obviously going to be here for you Emily." She says. Leaving me very confused. I can tell she doesn't want to say what she's thinking. Probably to protect me or something.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask. Probably the only way I could get the answer out of her.
"Roslyn." She sighs.
Oh my. I scared her. I told her over and over again yesterday that I couldn't do life like this anymore and at one point I even told her that I feel so invisible sometimes I wish I was. That's why she's been so clingy today because I scared her... I triggered her.
"I didn't mean to scare you Jayje I'm so sorry." "No please do not apologize. Please. I'm serious. You are my girlfriend and I want you to talk to me when you're upset. My PTSD is a part of me that I may not be able to control sometimes but this is about you Em, you've been upset a lot lately and I want to help you. This is not me so please don't make it about me." She say.
"With all due respect JJ, that is not how this works." I say. "Emily you're not listening to me. This is not about me. You spend so much of your time caring about me and for once I don't want you to be wondering if I'm okay or not. Just let me be here for you, please." She says.
"Okay, and who's going to be there for you right now?" I ask. Knowing this one will stump her.
She breaks eye contact and smiles a bit knowing I was right.
"We can go through things at the same time baby, it doesn't have to be one at a time, you want to help me and I want to help you. And I think that's beautiful." I say.
"I don't want you to not want to talk to me about stuff though." She says. "I promise you I will always tell you when I'm upset. And also JJ I would never leave you, I need you to remember that I'm absolutely not leaving you. I'm just going through a hard time. I understand why your PTSD was triggered after yesterday... you don't have to worry about me being in the bathroom alone or me offering you my clothes. I'm not going anywhere." I say.
"I can't turn it off emily I automatically assume the worst every time. I slept in your shirt so I could hear your heart beat and I am scared you're gonna leave because Ros left so unexpectedly. But I don't want you to feel like you have to sugar coat your emotions around me. At all. I fucking hate PTSD I wish it would go away." She finally admits.
"I completely understand. It's not your fault you feel this way." I say.
"If anything I'm saying ever triggers you JJ-" "Emily I do not care if it triggers me. I'll get over it. I want to know if you're not okay." She cuts me off to say. "Yes ma'am." I laugh.
"Does being clingy towards me help calm your anxiety?" I ask. "It actually really does." She says. "JJ please understand that I'm not leaving you." I say. "Okay..... Can you just let me be clingy for a while tho. If that's okay with you?" "More girlfriend time? Of course that's okay with me." I giggle.
