can't be friends

perfectly wrong.

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2 days later
JJ's POV

Sitting at the bar with Penelope and Tara was the only thing getting me out the house. I went to one of my classes yesterday and that was enough for me.

Tara came back to visit and spend time with me and I couldn't be happier to see her. The bar is packed tonight but it's a Friday what did I expect.

I am about 5 drinks in and the bartender and I were making great conversation.

"Rough night?" He asks. "Rough life." I say. "What happened? Boyfriend broke up with you?" He asks. "Girlfriend. I broke up with her she cheated on me." "Oh I hear lesbian break ups are the worst, here ya go. On the house." He passes me two more drinks.

I spin my chair over to Tara and Pen. "I think I need to go on a trip." I say. "To where?" Tara asks. "Anywhere but Pennsylvania." I chug my drink.

I spot Emily walking into the bar with Derek out of the corner of my eye. "Emily's here." I say. "What?" Pen turns around. "Did you set this up?" I ask pen. "JJ no I didn't know she was going out tonight." She says.

I chug my 2nd drink and turn to the bartender. "Get me a round of Tito's." I say.

He pours me the shots and Tara and Pen help me finish them.

All the alcohol catches up to me at once. "JJ hey blonde." Derek walks up to me and gives me a hug. "Hi I missed you." I jump out of my seat. "How ya feeling?" He asks. "Drunk."

"Where's Spence?" I slur my words. "Home. He wanted to get some studying in." Derek says.

"Is she good?" Derek whispers to Tara and Pen and they shrug their shoulders. "We're about to be on her level." Tara said as they got enough round.

I go and sit down near the bartender and slammed my head on the table. "What's good?" He says. "Ex is here." I sigh. "Point her out." He looks around. "Red shirt. Black pants. Brunette." I say. "Ooo. Yikes. Do you think she's here for you?" "Maybe. Or maybe to find a bitch to fuck. I don't know." I trip on my words.

"She's coming over here." He says. "What?" I ask.

"Hey." Emily says behind me. "Where's your little girlfriend Elle?" I ask. "JJ I haven't spoken to her or seen her since." She says. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I just wanted a night out. I didn't know you were here. I'm trying to give you space." She says. "Well Emily I'm drunk so if you're just gonna piss me off please save it." "Not my intention." She orders a round for herself.

"How have you been?" I ask her. "Not okay. You?" She says. "Also not okay."

"Can we pretend like everything is okay with us? Just for a minute?" I ask. "Of course. What's going on in that head of yours." She says.

The most comforting conversation I've had in a while. And it's with the person who hurt me.

"I can't bring myself to go to class. I went to one and I couldn't go to anymore. Everyone keeps telling me I have to start taking care of myself and I know that and I want to but I can't." "Remember when I asked you, who's going to be there for you? Same thing applies right now. You have to be there for yourself. You're the only person you can trust to be there for you 100% of the time." She says.

"I wish I could trust you." I say as she takes multiple shots.

"I really hate that I still love you." I take one of her shots and drink it. "I don't think I can ever stop loving you." She says.

"We're both still wearing our rings." She says. "If i take it off then it becomes real." I say. "That's how I feel."

"I miss you." She admits. "I miss you too," I look down at the glass, "why'd you have to go and ruin everything?" I ask.

"I ask myself the same question all the time. I hate myself for hurting you. You didn't deserve that. I messed up. It's so hard trying to adjust to life without you. I hate waking up without you, I hate that the last time we kissed I didn't know it was the last time, I would've cherished it a lot more. I would've held you longer. I wish I could go back in time and undo the damage that I've done." She finishes the round and asks for another drink. He hands it to her and walks to the back leaving us at the bar.

"If it was someone else... if you kissed some random girl I think I would find it in me to forgive you. I love you that much that I would've forgiven you. But Elle?" I ask. "I know. I fucked up. What I did was disgusting and I'm so sorry." She says.

"And you kissed her. She had you that easily." I sigh.

She doesn't say anything and it's silence between us.

"Do you think we're still happily in love in another universe? Maybe another lifetime?" I ask. "I pray that we are."

"I wish I knew that our last kiss would be our last." I agree, "I would've never let go."

"Can we just..." emily places her hand on my chin, titled it up. "One more time?" She asks. I look into her beautiful brown eyes. I used to get lost in her eyes all the time, I can't imagine a life without her in it.

I nod my head yes and wrap my arms around her neck, her lips crash onto mine and everything felt right in the world. I feel okay. I feel happy. My tongue pushed into her mouth and I start to explore it. I just want to be right here for the rest of my life. But I can't. Shes so perfect for me. But what she did was so wrong.

She's perfectly wrong for me.

All of the memories from our relationship come rushing back, we pull each other closer as the kiss gets more intense. A tear rolls down my cheek as I start to think about her cheating. She cheated so easily. She initiated the kiss with Elle.

I pull away from the kiss and emily sighs. "JJ I love you. I love you so much." She cries. "I have to go." I grab my bag and walk out of the car.

Am I too drunk to be walking back by myself? Yes. But I don't care anymore.