can't be friends

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Last day before Winter Break (5 days later)
December 7th
JJ's POV

Rossi and Hotch came back into town for Rossi's birthday celebration. His birthday was a few days ago but he wants to spend it with us as well. Which means I have to be cordial around Emily for multiple hours.

I get in my car to drive to Derek's where we were celebrating. I think everybody else is drinking but I don't feel like drinking tonight. The past few days since  I randomly went to New York I've been going on and off between being extremely mad because of Emily or extremely sad because of Emily. Today I'm extremely both mad and sad. And I don't think I can look at her without wanting to scream or cry. Or both.

I pull up to Derek's and park my car. I hate that I had to start driving again but I guess it's therapeutic sometimes.

I get out and walk inside, opening up the door and being greeted by my friends- and emily.

"JJ!" Rossi give me a big hug and so does Hotch. "Hi!! I missed you guys." I say. "How's our soccer championship winner." Hotch smiles. "I'm okay. How are you?" "I'm fine, Dave and I actually just got a job at the Behavioral Analysis Unit. FBI." Hotch says. "That's amazing!!! Oh my goodness." I give them both another hug.

I go over to the kitchen to go talk to Pen. "Hi JJ!" She smiles, "how are you sugar?" "Mad. Sad. Depressed. All of the above." I say. "I'm sorry." She gives me a hug. "Are you okay being here with emily being here?" She asks. "Yeah. Today's Rossi's day, I'm not going to make it about me." 

Pen and I go and sit on the porch to admire the view. I look down at my hand. The promise ring still on.

I slide it off my finger and look at it. "Are you going to give it back?" She asks. "I probably should." I say, "what a fucking lie."

"Should I have broken up with her pen? Was I being dramatic?" "Absolutely not JJ. Emily's sorry for what she did but that does not mean you should take her back. You did the right thing by ending the relationship, you deserve better than a person who can't control their impulses and you know that."

I stood up and chucked the ring far.... It fell into the small stream near the house. "You're better than me I would've burned it." Pen says and I laugh.

"How do you feel now that you did that?" She asks. "A little bit free. But still mad, and sad." I laugh. "It's okay. It'll take time." She rubs my shoulder and we walk back inside.

"How are you?" Emily walks up to me in the kitchen. "Not in a good mood and I don't want to be mean, so. Can we just stay on non speaking terms?" I say, I don't even wait for her to respond and I start to walk away.

"JJ you're being selfish." She says and I stop in my tracks. "What did you just say to me?" I say. "I apologized. What more do you want from me? I gave you time I gave you space but now? You're just being petty. You're being selfish." She says.

Rage filled by body from head to toe. There's simply no way.

"Not here." I say, and she follows me downstairs into the basement. I don't want to ruin Rossi's day by arguing with my ignorant ex girlfriend.

"I'm being petty? I'm being selfish? HOW on earth, WHERE do you get the audacity from calling ME selfish?" I'm so mad a vein could pop out.

"I just want to check in on you and I want to care about you but you won't let me! I want to love you but YOU won't let me. I made a mistake I know but fuck just GET OVER IT. I know I made a mistake and you just want to keep rubbing it in my face that I messed up. If you cared you would've forgiven me."

"IF YOU CARED YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT. Are you INSANE? Theres NO way, that I'm going to sit here and let you blame this on me. YOU fucked everything up. You have no right to call me selfish after I did everything for you, and you chose to repay me by kissing Elle fucking Greenaway. This is your fault."

"Shut up JJ. Literally just shut up about it already it was ONE KISS it didn't mean ANYTHING!" "You don't get to choose how I cope with you hurting me. You do not get that privilege."

"If you actually loved me then you would take me back." She states.

"You've been a completely different person these past two weeks. You are not the Emily that I fell in love with. You hurt me, then you apologize over and over again and now you're trying to manipulate me? You are not the Emily that I love."

"Well then just forget about it JJ. I never should've loved you in the first place you're not even worth it." She says.

Wow. Way to shatter my heart even more.

My face turns bright red and tears threaten to fall.

"Goodbye emily." I say, she goes to grab my hand and I yank it away.

"Emily no matter how much you hurt me, no matter how much we argue... I would never say that you weren't worth loving. I'm done. I gave you all of my heart and these past few weeks you've done nothing but break my heart over and over again. I can't do it anymore. I don't recognize you anymore. I'm done."

I walk out of the room.