Emily fell first, JJ fell harder
jj and emily are sophomores in college and their room selections got messed up. emily wanted to room with Elle while jj wanted to room penelope. instead they have to live with each other. will one night together tur...
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1 week later JJ's POV
I just got home from the airport, I had to go with my team to their game in California even tho I'm not cleared to play yet. The coach wanted me there to cheer them on. And it was actually kinda fun. I was sad that I couldn't be on the field with them but at least we still won.
I open our room door to see Emily crawled up in bed, she's so cute. I walk over to the bed and to place a kiss on her cheek and I notice she's awake, with headphones in and crying.
"Emily?" I say, placing my hand on her shoulder and it's like I wasn't even there. "Baby." I say getting more worried than I already was.
She takes her headphone out and looks at me. "I'm sorry." She says. "Baby for what? You didn't do anything wrong, what's wrong?" "Can you please not judge me? Or be mad at me?" She asks.
"You know I would never. You can talk to me, I'm here for you." I hold her hand.
"I haven't been doing okay JJ. I've been so sad all the time lately and it gets so much worse when you leave and I feel so bad about myself constantly and I can't do it anymore." She says.
I could tell something's been off with her lately but every-time I tried to bring it up she always said everything is fine and tried to change the conversation. I figured she would talk to me when she was ready. My mind flashes to Ros. And then I stop myself. This is not the same situation and it's my PTSD speaking.
"Come here." I say and pull her into my arms as she cries. "I tried so hard to hold it together for you, I know you're so stressed out right now and I'm so sorry I couldn't hold it together." She says. "My love you never have to do that for me, ever. If you're going through something I want to be there for you. I never want you to bottle your emotions in."
"I'm just so sad and I don't know why. I don't want to be sad I have everything I want but I've just been hating myself so much recently." She cries.
This absolutely broke my heart.
"I'm listening." I say, letting her talk.
"I just can't do it anymore JJ I can't keep feeling this way, I feel so broken I cry all the time and I only feel somewhat sane when you're here but everytime you leave I break down and I didn't tell you cause I know how worried you get and I know how stressed you are and I don't want to be a burden but I need you do much right now more then ever, I'm not okay." She says.
"Emily I love you with every single bone in my body and I know damn well you already know my job here as Jennifer Jareau on this planet, is to worry about everything," I say and she laughs, "anything you could possibly think of. I've probably worried about it before. So I want the last thing you think about is making me worried. I care. I care so much about you and I'd do just about anything to make you smile. I love you so deeply that you could never be a burden baby, I'm here for you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You're not broken at all, please stop being so hard on yourself. You're only breaking your own heart." I say and she holds me tighter.
"I love you so much Jayje." She says.
Images of Ros keep popping back into my head and I keep trying to tell myself now is not the time. Emily is not Ros. Emily's just depressed, doesn't mean she's going to do what Ros did. It is just the PTSD talking.
"I'm sorry about my busy schedule, one more week and I'm all yours. I'm not going anywhere, I promise" I say.
"Being with you makes all my problems go away." She says.
I move us over so we were laying down and she had her head resting on my chest. I stroke her hair as she starts to calm down.
"Em this is your first time at life. You're bound to make mistakes, that's what makes you human. You're going to spin your head like a top if you keep judging yourself and second guessing yourself. You know yourself better than anybody else on this planet. And that's fact. You give so much love to me baby you have to start treating yourself like somebody you love. It's hard to hear but at the end of the day, the only person that you can 100% trust to be there for you 100% of the time, all day everyday for the rest of your life, is you. Be nicer to your mind. For your mind is just trying to figure out how to live in this world." I say.
She leans up and places a small kiss on my lips. "I don't know what I'd do without you." She says. "I love you Em." I smile. "I love you."
