✨my diary/thoughts✨

exposing Rue (code name: Judge Turpin)

if anyone dares to prank call her (if you can figure it out the numbers from this): EEY-YUT-OWRY

so i've already written about her in some places so i am copying it all here from different sources (and stuff in [brackets] and {these things} and sometimes (these but only inside brackets or fancy brackets) is commentary from RIGHT NOW but usually just reflecting on stuff or adding more info)

from a recap of 9th grade I wrote in a Google Doc with my bestie (called Autobiography):

In November I became friends with Rue. [November 2022, freshman year of high school, not that long ago]

[I had just gotten my schedule changed from having English 3rd period and History 7th period to English 7th period and History 3rd period. She was in my new 7th period English class. I was the new kid. When the teacher introduced me to the class, everyone else laughed at me. But she kept looking at me. She said hello to me, but I didn't really want to be bothered so I tried to be polite but didn't say much to her. I got nice vibes from her. But TOO nice. That feeling when someone is TOO friendly that it seems fake. Like those popular girls from elementary school. But I thought I shouldn't be too judgy so I shrugged it off. We both went to Latin Club. I was in Latin 2 in freshman year while she was in Latin 1. We met again at the Saturnalia meeting, where we did a White Elephant gift exchange. She said she was going to exchange a gift, but she gave it to me instead. It was a coloring page of some frogs and mushrooms in a swamp. She colored it very nicely. She gave it to me (remember, we had BARELY talked to each other before, so this was very weird to me, but I had to be polite because I didn't know her that well) and she said "I was going to put this in the bag but when I was coloring it, it reminded me of you". I said thank you and took it home with me. She started talking to me at club and in class, and I realized that maybe she just needed a person to yap to. She told me about her obsession with nuclear bombs. I thought it was cool. {background information on 9th grade me to give context: I had just moved over the summer from where I had spent most of life to a new neighborhood and school. I was still getting used to it. All my middle school friends ghosting me, and a new house, and new people who didn't know me. I had just started getting used to my old life when I had to leave it all behind. This affected 13-year-old me quite a bit. I went from a cool, attractive, risky, homicidal, suicidal, anorexic, out-and-proud pansexual nonbinary person with a fake boyfriend who loved Heathers as much as I did, to a loser, ugly, careful, numb inside, eating-too-much, closeted "I don't know" "girl?" with no friends. It felt like the part of me that I knew best and that I was proud of was left behind at that middle school. I was just a skeleton waiting for someone to bring me back to life.} When she mentioned bombs, it reminded me of Jason Dean from Heathers. I thought maybe she would be a cool friend like my middle school fake boyfriend was. She seemed like an okay person to me, and she kinda reminded me of my old friends. That is why we became friends in the first place.]

I should've known she was a bad friend, but she was the only person who talked to me and I didn't want to lose her, so I tolerated it. She did so many things. 

She never let me talk, everything was always "me me me me me me me".

[And the fact that when I finally got the courage to tell her that I felt like I never talked, she was so weird about it. She couldn't type it in normal words and it sounded so mature it was immature. She said "I" 14 times and BARELY mentioned me in the text. She also called it a "relationship". Never in my life have I ever heard of a friend calling their friendship with a friend a "relationship". I mean, especially in high school. No teen uses that word for anything else except a romantic relationship between a straight couple. I don't know what she was thinking. The text was also very insincere. The words she used weren't her words. I couldn't imagine them coming out of her mouth. It was all very fake. She didn't act ANY different after she promised she'd change. Every day with her was the same.]