✨my diary/thoughts✨

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It only hurts this much right now, Was what I was thinking the whole time

I'll be getting over you my whole life

You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back

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We had one thing goin' on, I swear that it was somethin', 'Cause I don't remember who I was, Before you painted all my nights, A color I've searched for since

Fuckin' situations, circumstances, Miscommunications and I, Have to say, by the way, I just may like some explanations

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Life is emotionally abusive

And it's fine to fake it 'til you make it

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Will you take a moment? Promise me this, That you'll stand by me forever, But if, God forbid, fate should step in, And force us into a goodbye, If you have children some day, When they point to the pictures, Please, tell 'em my name

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Leave the perfume on the shelf, That you picked out just for him, So you leave no trace behind, Like you don't even exist

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Chandelier's still flickering here, 'Cause I can't pretend it's ok when it's not, It's death by a thousand cuts, I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home, I ask the traffic lights if it'll be all right, They say, "I don't know", And what once was ours is no one's now, I see you everywhere, The only thing we share, Is this small town

But if the story's over, Why am I still writing pages?

Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust, Trying to find a part of me you didn't take up, Gave you too much but it wasn't enough, But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts

But it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough, no, no

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Clink, clink, being this young is art

I'll pay the price, you won't

Everyone wants him, that was my crime

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If you would've blinked, then I would've, Looked away at the first glance, If you tasted poison, you could've, Spit me out at the first chance, If I was some paint, did it splatter, On a promising grown man, And if I was a child, did it matter, If you got to wash your hands

If you never touched me, I would've, Gone along with the righteous, If I never blushed then they could've, Never whispered about this, And if you never saved me from boredom, I could've gone on as I was, But lord, you made me feel important, And then you tried to erase us

If I'd only played it safe

I regret you all the time, Can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep, The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time, If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts, Give me back my girlhood, It was mine first

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You say, "I don't understand," and I say, "I know you don't"

I'm getting tired even for a phoenix, Always risin' from the ashes, Mendin' all her gashes, You might just have dealt the final blow

I know my pain is such an imposition

You don't know what you got until it's gone

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