Steve Saga Short Stories ♡

Hold Me Down Until I'm Fine *🩸

Authors note** Rainbow angst. "Hold Me Down Until I'm Fine" is from the song Dinner Is Not Over by Jack Stauber's Micropop.

TW/CW - Self-harm, suicide attempt(s), general suicide ideations, graphic/morbid descriptions of violence/gore, vague/graphic/morbid descriptions of self-harm/suicide attempts, descriptions of (somewhat)body horror and

Generally a very sensitive short story. If you are faint of heart/not in a very good mental place/etc. I would not suggest reading.

(If you think other tw/cws apply let me know, I'm generally not very good at tw/cws due to being pretty desensitized but want to get better. I feel it is very important when it comes to these kind of chapters)

2952 words

...

Rainbow stood behind Sabre regretfully as he locked up a chest.

"Maybe go garden? Or build, or write something in your journal, or-"

"Mhmm." Rainbow hummed distantly

He looked down at his wrists. Through freshly wrapped bandages and the blood currently scabbing underneath glowed a shiny outline Rainbow hated. He wanted the expectations off of his body, as they burned every time he strayed and burned when he wasn't doing enough and burned when he thought he wasn't doing enough. All they did was burn and burn and burn with no appease, a prophecy in standard galactic branded into his forearms since the day he was created. What was a little more burning from shears or swords if there was a chance he could peel the wretched words off of his arms? Off of his body, off of his mind, off of his life. It never worked, and once the highs of mania dipped into a distant despair he knew it was pointless again. He knew it was a lost cause, but when he reached for anything, anything sharp he couldn't help but just want to use it to get those wretched, life-ruling words off of his body.

Sabre care. Sabre tried to stop him and tried to help and tried to give him things to soothe the aching need to cut through enough skin to temporarily hide the soul-binding words of the stars from his sight. Rainbow knew that. Rainbow knew that Sabre took the things he figured out how to hurt himself away and locked them into a chest in the basement out of love and concern. Yet he was still annoyed by Sabre's attempts to rehabilitate him from the fleeting pleasures of self-harm. Sabre turned to him, leaning on the chest as a tired, single mother leans on a kitchen table as her toddler eats breakfast.

"Rainbow... please. Just tell me next time. You know I'm almost always on the server."

"I know" Rainbow grumbled "I know..."

"... why don't you collect resources with me?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Honestly? No. I don't want to leave you alone and we need these materials... plus it'll give you something to do."

".... okay."

...

Rainbow wiped the soot from coal off his face. It reminded him of working part-time in a coal mine when he was young... but he couldn't recall working in a mine?

"Ugh," Rainbow hit his head into his vanity. He hated when he got weird deja vu of things that seemingly never happened. Maybe he had worked a summer in a mine before he was resummoned. Maybe he was delusional. Maybe his mind just hated him that much. Sabre had left after they'd put away the resources and said farewells. Rainbow had, though not admittedly, felt better after spending a few hours mining and chatting with Sabre. Sabre's jokes and run-on stories always made him feel at least a bit better. He wasn't sure why in the moment he never even thought to seek out Sabre. Or garden or build or write in his journal.