Come Back To Me / ASTRO FF

Chapter 11 - Acquaintance

Park Soo Ah and Yoon Sanha were talking. Calmly. They were laughing,teasing and just simply talking. They stole gazes at each other while the other got distracted by something else. They paid attention to each other.

“So you are the youngest among three kids.” Soo ah asked while placing the sushi in her mouth carefully.

“I have always been the youngest. Even in Astro. So when I became Mc for Showchampion with Binhyung and Kangmin, It was so awkward. Because Kangmin was five years younger than me. It felt so weird to be an older brother. But we eventually got along well”.

“Serves you right.” Soo ah smiled while nodding.

“Aww,”He pouted, “What about you ? Do you have any siblings?” Sanha asked, but he instantly regretted it as he saw Soo ah’s expression shifting into an unpleasant one.

“I had an older brother. He passed away when I was in College” Soo ah said sceptically.

“Oh”, Sanha didn't know how to reply, “uhmm, do you miss him?” He muttered.

“Very much” Soo ah buried her pain in a chuckle avoiding his eyes.

Sanha cursed himself for ruining the moment. “ I am so sorry, I shouldn't have asked that, '' he added quickly.

“It’s fine, It’s been years and I still haven't come to terms that he's no longer here. it’s on me.”

“It’s okay to be like that. He’s someone Important to you, It’s okay to be vulnerable” Sanha said, hoping that it comforts her. He also added, “ Do you want to talk about it, Soo ah shi?” He asked softly.

“N-No” Soo ah was still not meeting his eyes. she couldn't in fact. It was a thing that hurt her deeply. So deeply that she hid herself in a room for months, Not talking to anyone, barely eating anything. It was a period of time she wanted to run away from.

“That's also fine. Just know it's also fine to talk about your feelings. You don’t have to hide yourself always.” he said in a much softer voice.

Soo ah looked up finally meeting his gaze. She could see that there was no pity in his eyes, unlike others. She only saw sincerity and something else she couldn't decipher. His words made her feel something in her stomach, not a bad one but a good feeling. She remembered how In woo never really pushed her to talk about anything. Even Though she didn’t want to talk about it, she at least wished In woo would get angry about how she always ran away from her problems. It felt almost as if he didn’t care enough. he did care, but it felt he did it because he had to.

“Are you done eating?” Soo ah quickly averted her gaze and got up, grabbing her handbag.

“Yeah, But wait. Soo ah shi, Did I make you uncomfortable Sanha panicked.

“No,no I just don't..I don't know. Can we just leave?” Her voice was trembling a little, making Sanha even more scared. But he didn't push the topic more and got up.

After paying the bill, Soo ah excused herself to go to the bathroom.

She washed her face multiple times and looked at her reflection. She used to like that face. She knew she was kind of pretty.  But now it was just someone who's broken. With so many wounds that she hid from the world , from herself.
Sanha's words came to her mind one more time. ‘ You don’t have to hide yourself always’. he was right. It was true that she was hiding. And she did it voluntarily. She was way too comfortable with herself that she didn't know how to get out of that. Being normal without feeling guilty for being happy. Without feeling scared about every single thing.
She quickly brushed away her thoughts and went back to Sanha.
He was outside with ice-cream in each of his hands.

“What flavour do you want?” Sanha asked the moment Soo ah reached him.

“Huh, uhh I want chocolate” She said after thinking a bit.

They both walked to Sanha’s car without talking and Soo ah fully concentrated on eating the Ice-cream. Well Sanha didn't want to remove the mask so he decided to eat it in the car.

They got in the car. The atmosphere was very stiff. Both of them are deep in thoughts struggling to find the right words.

Finally Soo ah started to talk, calmly,“ Sanha shi, you don't make me uncomfortable. No one has really said the things you told me today. I didn't know how to take it because I felt so exposed.It felt so… bare. But still thank you for telling me those things.” She completed giving him a small smile.

Sanha’s heart took a leap. His insides were already melting by her small smile.
“Yeah… I am happy to know that. Just… tell me things if you want to” He quickly started the car and drove away.

Their ride back home was mostly silent, radio playing in the background.  It was not an awkward one though. It was rather comfortable.They knew they didn't have to talk. Soo ah was deep in thoughts. About Sanha and their current relationship. Soo ah never really gotten close to a person this fast. Even with In woo It took her time to open up. But In woo was patient with her which she is forever grateful for. But Sanha was so much different from Inwoo. He made her feel nervous yet calm. Their conversation could go normal to serious in a minute. But it felt all so natural. She trusted him. And he was very careful about not hurting her. Always made sure she was okay. Soo ah remembered how often she's thinking about Sanha these days. She would remember the little moments they had together and smile for no reason. She looked like a crazy person while doing that. So much for keeping private life and working life separate. Soo ah remembered one of the earlier conversations she had with Moonbin. He asked what she thinks about Sanha which she answered that she never thought about him. Ironic.

Lost in thoughts, Soo ah didn’t realise that they had reached her place already. Sanha was looking at her and she knew he was. She started to fiddle with her fingers. Sanha noticed it. He removed his seat belt and faced Soo ah.

“Soo ah shi, Do you have something to say?”
“I like you Sanha, I really do, Soo ah blurted out. and Sanha got his eyes widened and his cheek flesh red. Soo ah continued, not meeting his strong gaze, “I love spending time with you, But we should just keep being… just… Acquaintance.” She breathed out.
Sanha always thought he would be the one who would ask her out mistakenly but what  just happened was something he never imagined even in his wildest dreams. He didn't know if it was the alcohol or not, he felt the strong desire to get closer to her.

“Explain Soo ah shi” Sanha said. He moved a bit.

“W-what” she mumbled.

“Look at me and explain what you just said Soo ah” he said quietly. He was now inches away from her face

It was his first time calling Soo ah informally and his breathing voice made her feel some type of way. She couldn't describe it but she knew that it was dangerous. Her heart was going in another direction while her reasonable part begged her to stop.But still she met his gaze. Her heart told her to. His brown eyes, transparent from the street light, were full of what she saw earlier in restaurent.It had gotten stronger now. She couldn't understand it then. But now she thinks she does. Was it love?

“I think we are getting way too close.”She answered his question also meaning the situation they were in , her voice low, scared to even breath too loud.

“How so?” Sanha asked, moving closer to her face.

Soo ah couldn't bear it anymore as her gaze fell into his pink plump lips. They always looked so kissable. Noticing that, Sanha leaned in. Their lips being inches away Soo ah turned her head to the side. 
“We shouldn't do this”, Soo ah said and got out of the car taking her things and walked away without looking back.

Sanha was in the car still in the moment where everything felt so close. His icecream he left to eat later was placed in a cabin inside, already melted. He looked at it sighing. He's regretting it . So much.

(A/n Oops, what just happened?  Want some popcorn 🍿)