She could not look at me, no matter how long i stared at her. It's been 2 minutes since her boyfriend left and she hasn't raised her head to look at me.
"Tamun-Ala, when will you look at me?" i ask her. She just pulls her knees up and buries her face in it.
I am sitting on her bed, waiting for her to look at me but it seems we won't be getting that anytime soon so i move closer to her and use my hand to raise her face softly not to injure her so she can look at me but her eyes are down despite the fact that i raised her head.
"Tamuno-Ala" i call her and she slowly looks at me
"Don't apologise" i start as soon as I see the look on her face "Don't even try it, why would you even think you owe me an apology?, Ala you were comatose for heaven's sake why would you even think Mohammed died because of you? T baby, he was rushing to get to you because you were in an accident, an accident you didn't cause Tamuno-Ala, so why? why would you even think that it was your fault?" i ask her so softly, because i did not know how else i could ask her, i could just see how fragile she is and i didn't want to break her further but i will not also let her break herself.
"It's mine Ayo, he was on his way to see me, he was not a reckless driver i know he only did a one-way because he was in a rush to see me because i had an accident"
"Did you put yourself in that condition? Were you the bloody cause of your accident? You were in the accident with your sister Ala? Ala you almost died! In fact, you already did, you fucking flatlined Ala! - A tear rolled down my eyes but I am so passed caring about my crying face right now - For a good minute and 10 seconds, and all of a sudden you started breathing again after your TOD had been pronounced. The fact that you came out of the coma with no brain damage is a miracle that I have no way to thank God enough for and you think Meddy dying was your fault? Fine, let us say it's your fault, let us say you were the reason he died - I grab her hands and look at her eyes - but Tee it's been years, 2 years! Tee. 2 years of losing and torturing yourself for someone who loved you so much he would be bleeding in his grave because of what you are doing to yourself. T baby, I have not seen you laugh or smile genuinely in years, and just when it looked like my little sister was wholly and fully coming back to me you want to leave me again? Why would you abandon me like this? why would you give me pain that you know I won't recover from?"
"Ayo mi...." her tears choke her
"Give yourself a little break Ala, you lost your mum, your sister, and your fiancee, in a space of a few days. That is a shattering fact for anyone to come to know but you lived through that and daily I wonder how and why God chose you to be amongst his strongest soldiers and you have the nerve to think their death is your fault? Are you God?!! or are you the angel of death?? I want to now because I do not understand it Ala."
"But -"
"But nothing Ala. I know you wish only you died in their place. I know you are still hurting. I know you think you killed all three of them and you feel bad for being the only survivor. I also know that you only eat from that restaurant close to your office and only order jollof rice because it's the last thing you ate with your sister. You are hurting much more than I am. Yes, I lost a friend and brother but you lost almost everything, and you are beating yourself up day after day to the point that you would gladly accept death than live another day yet you think I hate you? that I blame you for his death? you have no reason Ala, zero! none! no reason whatsoever to apologise to me. Tamuno-Ala Levi I love you, I know we are not related but you are my little sister, I said it to Meddy the 1st time that we met that I've adopted you and I wasn't joking. T baby, why would you suffer so much alone, especially when I'm here? I won't know if you don't tell me, and I can only read you to an extent.
"Tee, I'm here, i made a promise to Meddy, to you and myself that I'll be here, so please don't leave me with unfulfilled promises Tee. I promise you that it is not your fault, I promise you that I do not hate you - with every promise I made she cried harder and i held her as she cried while trying to keep my emotions in check - I promise you that you are not ruining anything for any of us, i promise you that we want to see you be happy and smile everyday, i promise you that you will be both the best man and bridesmaid at my wedding, i don't even know how you will pull that off but I promise you that Zee and I really want to see it happen, Tee please, give us one more chance to love you, please." I finished and looked at her and she just nodded while hugging me
We stayed like that for a while. Both of us silently sobbing. I waited for her to pull away first before speaking again.
"Should i call Zee and your boyfriend? i am sure they are dying to hug you too" i say and she mumbles something while cleaning her tears as she hates seeing people see her cry, not that it matters now anyways
"What did you say?"
"He is not my boyfriend"
"Ah, sorry oh, keep deceiving yourself" i mock her using it as an excuse for her to settle down her crying before proceeding to call Zainab and her boyfriend.
=================================================================================================================================================================================================================================
I can't wait to finish this book.
YOU ARE READING
My heart bleeds on paper
Romance..."Are you free tonight?" he asks and I look at him crazily like 'sho wa okay?' but he repeats the question "Are you free tonight?" "work" I sigh out "tomorrow night?" he asks again "work" I speak He just smiles and tells me "Wonderful, so it's a d...
