My heart bleeds on paper

CHAPTER SEVEN

DAY 22

Change; the one thing that I've made sure to run away from, the one thing that I know I was fine without, the one thing that would not give me confusion or regret

Change; the only reason that I am at the company's kitchen taking coffee instead of going to the restaurant I normally eat at and this is causing quite a ruckus because it's been a really long while I used the company's kitchen and this apparently was noticed by my co-workers as they eye me and talk loudly about it, whisper type of gossip? I'm sorry but such does not live here, here people will talk about you and make sure you know they're talking about you and I don't know if I should be grateful that I can hear them or annoyed at the fact that they couldn't let me leave so I won't hear what they had to say

I don't blame them though, I hardly eat here neither do I try to interact with people except extremely necessary

Here I am, sat at our lunch room drinking coffee and eating cake as quiet as possible yet I can't get yesterday out of my mind

¬¬¬¬¬¬

"I am someone who is in love with you"

It was asif I was on pause, my mouth was slightly open i could feel it and my eyes were fixed on him

"wh- what did you just say?" I manage to speak

"I am someone who is in lo-"

I raise my hand to stop him from finishing his statement... but he continued "-ve with you"

"I said stop!" I shouted

"no" he simply said smiling, why the fuck is he smiling?! Is he psychotic? who spews rubbish and smiles about it, I look around and see that my outburst had created a little attention to us, one which I do not like

I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands, thoughts rushing at me like flying bullets and one of them being 'what did I get myself into?' why am I here I could have been at home doing absolutely nothing so why am I her?!

I take my hands off my face and shake my head

"I don't even know why I agreed to this dinner" I stand ready to take my leave

"I won't let you leave - he holds my hand - please sit down" I look at him and I want to be annoyed, I want to storm out of here but... but I can't, I can't be angry at him because I don't know, I want to storm out of here but I still want to sit here and enjoy this dinner with him

"give me one good reason why I should stay" I challenge him hoping I would get a push to leave since I can't move my feet from this standing position I kept myself

"I don't have any, I don't have any good reason beside the fact that I just want you to stay" he says standing up to meet my eye level

I look at him and i sigh inwardly, how can I leave when he won't even give me the push I need, why am I even lying to myself, the only reason I need a push is because I actually want to stay

I drag my hand from his and sit back down, he joins shortly after and I can see the smile on his face

"why are you smiling? It's annoying me"

"any day I spend with you I see a part of you I never believed I would have access to and it brings a smile to my face"

"what?" what nonsense is he spewing now

"our early days together you never showed me any emotion you possessed, you never even spoke a word to me just raised eyebrows and silence, I never knew you use swear words and not so long ago you got annoyed though that is not the first time"