My heart bleeds on paper

CHAPTER FIVE

DAY 20

I once had a sister, an older sister; beautiful, darker skin than I had, slim, long legs, 5 ft. 11, she was as beautiful Inside as she was outside

She was the love of my life, our dad died when we were too little so it was my mum and the both of us and as time flew by it was the both of us and barely my mum against the world and now it's just me...completely battered by the world

I look at the folder on my computer at work, the one I labelled 'ME' and I could not bring myself to open the folder, I know exactly what's in it but I for some unknown or somewhat known reason I can't bear to let myself set my eyes on them

I shake my head as if it'll act like a curtain and close my thoughts on the matter and I move to concentrate on my work, I'm adding the finishing touches to my project so I can submit it and submit it I must tonight

I look at a picture I took of stranger hunched over but I got the side view of her face, not just her but everything about the picture and the setting screamed pain to me; maybe it's the black and white effect the almost shadowed effect the picture has or maybe how everything lacks colour but her barely there eyes or her slightly open mouth or how she makes her environment bleed with her

I look at her face trying to get a glimpse of her eyes maybe it is just me but her face speaks the volume of pain she's carrying and I didn't know when I did it but my hand moved to the picture to touch her face on the screen like I was telling her that she's speaking to me and I can see her hurt vividly

"Ala" i get back myself and retract my hand from the screen where it was and look up to see my boss coming to my side with his camera hanging round his neck

"it's almost 5pm, way passed closing time and you're not home" he points out all the while playing with his camera

"I have to finish this and hand it over to you today" I explain

"what makes you think I'd be around by the time you're done" he says eyeing my work

"you stay late on Tuesdays" I state

"and you felt this Tuesday will be part of it?"

"yes sir and to prove my point you're still here" I answer him with a tight-lipped smile for the perfect finishing touch

"no caption for it?" he nods towards my photo and I shake my head a no

"why so? It looks like it deserves one"

"yes it does but then how the photo makes me feel will influence the caption and that caption will limit others to any other feeling it jerks out of them"

"I don't get it" he says after scrutinising the piece so I ask him

"what do you see? – he looks at me with a raised brow – when you look at the picture what do you see?"

"Hope" he tells me and I just smile

"my point exactly"

"what do you mean?"

"where you see hope, I see pain, heavy almost consuming pain" I describe looking at the picture and seeing it calling out my pain boldly, I look away

I must have zoned out a little because my boss was asking me if I was okay and he was snapping his fingers in front of my face

I looked away slightly embarrassed and cleared my throat awkwardly

"I see your point" I nod then he begins to walk away

"Ehen Ala before I forget are you busy tonight?"

"sir?" I answer confused

"will you be busy tonight?"