My heart bleeds on paper

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

"Dear Ala, it's almost a month since the doctor put you on this bed. I know you like to rest but don't you think you're resting too much? Do you know how worried we are, how worried i am? everyone has this look on their face like they are preparing to say goodbye. It's as if everyone is trying to come to the acceptance that you might not want to come back to us again, It's so hard to watch. Ayo barely eats, Zainab sees you in her sleep covered in blood, and she wakes up in tears and cries herself back to sleep. As for me, my therapist says I'm getting better which is so ironic because this situation makes me feel like shit and there is nothing i can do about it. The worst part is i am ready to accept any decision you make. I want you to stay, Jesus knows how much i love you and need you to stay but young lady all i can do is pray, that is all i can do, and if in the end you stubbornly push your way into the spirit realm, i have no say in the matter, because no matter what i say or pray you have made your choice". i sigh "Baby, before you choose to leave can i persuade you to stay? I know you don't like empty promises neither do i but Ala i promise, if you decide to give us a second chance, i promise to be a better man for you, for myself, and for us. I promise to make life bearable each day for you, you can decide to eat jollof rice or even beans for the rest of your life and i won't complain for a whole month - i laugh a little at my failed opportunity to make her smile -, i promise to be your muse always, i promise that i will make you happy, i will make sure you don't ever regret giving life and us a second chance, so please baby, please wake up" i didn't even know that tears were leaving my eyes till they touched her hands that were held in mine. "I love you Tamuno-Ala".

"Ala, you're sleeping too much oh, you have to wake up, even if you don't want to wake up just wake up, you have to explain that letter you wrote to me because i don't understand it one bit. Who told you that you're the reason for Mohammed's death eh? why do you like beating yourself up unnecessarily? there are alot of things to blame for his death, or even your sisters' death but you are not one of them. For crying out loud Ala you are a victim here not the culprit so wh... why do you think this way?" i choke on my words "I am so sorry, i never knew you were hurting as much as this, i... i am so - i try to blink back my tears - so so sorry that i couldn't see just how big your pain was. I knew that you were still hurting i just assumed you'd gotten better, i didn't know that you were hiding so much hurt and i wasn't even there to help you, i am so sorry Ala, please forgive me, please forgive me this one time and come back please. You promised to be my groomsman at my wedding, please come back".

"I never had siblings, being an only child, i never knew what having a sibling felt like till we became friends. Tee seeing you here for a second time is driving me insane, why exactly are you back here?, it feels like we are back to that day again. Ala please wake up, even if you don't want to i need you to, please Ala, please God bring her back to us".