My heart bleeds on paper

CHAPTER SIX

THE PICTURE ABOVE IS UTI NWACHUKWU, I DECIDED TO USE HIM TO PLAY OGOCHUKWU OBIORA BECAUSE WHY NOT?! 

I WAS LISTENING TO THIS SONG WHILE WRITING THIS CHAPTER SI I FELT I SHOULD PUT IT HERE FOR YOU ALL TO ALSO ENJOY

DAY 21

'This is the day that the lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it' this song has been ringing in my head throughout today, for some reason unknown to me I was overly excited and it irked me to no end, even my colleagues and my boss noticed

After he announced to the entire office that he is now an engaged man and we all congratulated him he went on to tell us that this week is the deadline to submit our projects so the preparation of the display can commence since we are three weeks away

My colleague Uduak came up to me "Tammy, you seem rather chirpy today, I have never seen in you in that mood and I must say it looks good on you" after she says this she left the way she came

I don't relate much with my colleagues at work, I know I should but it's quite hard to when I leave once I'm done with work and decline any form of outing or socialising that is brought my way except it is work related or my boss threatens me to attend so basically it doesn't leave room for bonding of any sort

I pause in my step when she tells me that and let what she said sink in, seems that song is reflecting in my mood

I don't have much work today I think to myself as I find my way back to my office as I already covered a lot if ground yesterday

I take my mouse and move my cursor to the file named 'ME' and for the first time in two years I opened it and all the pictures that I hid away from my eyes assaulted me and woke memories that I forced to sleep

I told myself that for this few weeks I have left I would feel everything so I wouldn't regret anything when I leave, I would say yes to things I normally will say no to, I would buy things and do things that I usually won't buy or do and I would allow myself relive every single moment from the past, it is not asif pushing them away had stopped them from circling round my head any opportunity it gets

I look at the pictures and I am engulfed with feelings and pain afresh and my goodness it aches to bloody end, pictures of my mum, pictures of my mum and my sister, pictures of the three of us, pictures that I took, on mum's sick bed, on her birthday when we assaulted her with flowers and I can remember that day so well

She had cancer but it seemed like the treatment was working because a week to her day she was hardly slipping in and out of consciousness and she was strong enough to begin and end a conversation with us with so we decided to throw her a little birthday party with the okay of the doctor of course

She was so excited when my sister, Tonye and I came she got really emotional then we both got emotional and we all cried together and ate cake and I took the pictures, we caught her up to our lives and just generally enjoyed each other's company, my mum tried forcing us to go home but we stayed over at the hospital, what a blessing that was, it was one of the best days of my life but now when I think of it, it hurts because I know I can never have that again and that longing for what can never be anymore leaves behind a messy heart filled with pain and sorrow

I scroll some more on my computer and I see a picture of him, a picture of him with me, him with my sister, him with my mum, my sister and I, his pictures just flooded my senses and I remembered what he smelt like, what he looked like, every intricate and amazing detail that is him, how his eyes crinkles when he smiles, the sound of his laugh, he snorts when he laughs, I mocked him about it so much that I even started having little snorts in mine, how he rewards me with ice cream cake whenever I follow him to the gym, I always end up watching him because I was too lazy to try to keep fit, I remember how his fingers feel on my skin, how his lips tastes like, the way he looks at me like he sees me, he was the love of life