WHAT IF???

Chapter Three: Regret's Path

After our dinner at Grandma's, I headed straight home. Sometimes, when disappointed with Kirk, I find solace in my own space. I switched on my vintage vinyl player to fill the room with instrumental music, poured myself a glass of red wine, and stepped out into my garden to breathe in the fresh air.

I couldn't help but recall our conversation with Grandma. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't followed her.

I also couldn't avoid remembering the scene of our last meeting with Mon before he headed to England.

The air was heavy with unspoken words as Mon stood by the departure gate, her backpack in hand. The bustling airport faded into the background as we shared a final embrace, trying to hold onto every moment.

"I'll just follow you to England," I said, tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Didn't you say you didn't want to... didn't want to leave Grandma because of her illness?" Mon reminded me, tears also welling in his eyes.

"What about us... four years, Mon. Can we handle being apart for four years?"

"We can manage this, Sam. I'll call you constantly. Every spare moment, we'll video call so you can still see me. I'll keep chatting with you to keep you updated on my life in England," he assured me.

Her eyes held a mixture of anticipation and sadness, mirroring my own conflicting emotions. The announcement for her flight echoed through the terminal, breaking the fragile silence between us. With a lingering gaze, Mon reluctantly let go, and I watched her disappear into the crowd, leaving behind an ache of separation that lingered long after she was gone.

As time went by, just as Mon assured, she always remembered to call and keep me updated about her life in England. Without fail, she also remembered to send greetings and video call on every special occasion for us—anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, and every other event. Mon was correct; we could manage because our love for each other sustained us.

Until the unexpected happened. Grandma had a heart attack, and I needed to make a decision to save both the company and GrandMa's life. I couldn't do anything then because I was just a college student at the time.

Days turned into nights as I tirelessly tended to Grandma's needs, ensuring she was comfortable and well cared for. I held Grandma's hand, offering words of comfort and encouragement, despite the fear and uncertainty swirling within my own heart. I became Grandma's pillar of strength, a beacon of hope in the midst of adversity.

"Sam," whispered Grandma, her voice frail for the first time.

"Thanks for your efforts for both the company and me."

"Grandma, if you and the company vanish, where will I find myself? You're my everything. Yet, Grandma, I'm not content with the choice I've made."

I'm so confused whether my decision was right. I can't imagine how I agreed to what they wanted, what about Mon? In the chaos of my mind, I couldn't bring myself to answer Mon's calls anymore.

As I sat on the couch next to Grandma's hospital bed, my phone buzzed with another call from Mon. Despite the familiar ringtone piercing through the somber atmosphere of the hospital room, I hesitated to answer.

With a heavy heart and a mind clouded by uncertainty, I stared at the screen, grappling with conflicting emotions. I knew that speaking to Mon meant confronting the turmoil of my own decisions and the weight of the consequences.

Time seemed to stand still as the phone continued to ring, each vibration a reminder of the unresolved tension between them. My hand trembled slightly as I struggled to muster the courage to pick up the call, but ultimately, I let it go unanswered, unable to face the difficult conversation that awaited me on the other end of the line.

"I'm deeply sorry, Mon. I have to do this for Grandma," the voice inside my head whispered, attempting to communicate with Mon.

My thoughts were interrupted by painful memories when my cellphone rang. It was Kirk, and out of respect for him as my husband, I still answered.

"Sam, why aren't you at home? Did you leave earlier?" Kirk asked with confusion.

"I'm not coming home. I want to be alone."

"Okay, Sam. Just let me know when you're coming home. Goodnight. Take care." And I ended the call.

I lay down on my sofa in the living room, resting my arm over my eyes, unaware that tears were streaming down my face, overwhelmed by the intense regret for the wrong decisions I had made. Marrying a man I didn't love, losing the person I loved the most—Mon.