Difficultatibus
Difficulties
Knowing the truth was no easy feat. It could be as wonderful as heartbreaking depending on the way it's given, the way it's taken, and the context of it all. For Jungkook, the first truth that broke his heart was also the one that made him fall off a cliff, both literally and emotionally. In a way, he was waiting for truths to be as difficult for him to hear as it was taking a bath (something he hadn't even ventured into). Instead, the opposite happened.
He became eager to know, to learn, to understand things he didn't mind before. That's why getting to know his parents had been keeping innocent things private irked him, like the time he found out he'd always been one year ahead of the rest of his peers. But also why he was so determined to understand Jack as he was being attacked.
Truths became very important to him one way or another as well as secrets. A new boy came out of the water the night he'd been rescued. But his heart was the one thing that didn't change, making it hurt oh so badly whenever he had an overflowing need to tell his parents about his angel and couldn't. Because his heart couldn't understand that it was for the best; it simply felt. And, at that moment, it was feeling frustrated.
His parents were getting ready in their Sunday best to go to church while he waited, sitting on his desk chair and looking straight at the curtains blocking his view from the woods. His father had already helped him shower and get ready for his visit to old friend John's house. All he did was sit.
He'd even turned off his radio.
As far as he could feel, he wasn't tense anywhere in his body. He was at ease, calm, collected, his body was as relaxed as it could be. There were no signs of danger making him uneasy. So why couldn't he open the curtain? What was the truth he was so afraid of here? On the other side, there was nothing but woods. A very big, old, important, and beautiful woods with a national park far inside it; there were birds and flowers and bugs, and there were trails and signs. There was a rock painted red by him and his father that marked his limit so he wouldn't be too far from the house. The woods itself never hurt him, so why?
Logically, he should be more afraid of Jack than he should be from the woods. Instead, he befriended Jack and villainized the latter. The scent of it still tugged at his memory, reminding him of what he went through and what almost took place. He'd already made peace with himself, accepting that what happened had not been his fault. He'd never believed his parents had any fault either and he was not yet that involved in his angel's culture to accept it was fate; something that had to happen. Was his mind so determined to deem someone guilty that it still latched onto the woods?
Something traumatic happened inside it, that he won't deny. He might just be doing the opposite of what he should by trying to put logic to his feelings but he just wanted to understand. He wanted to understand himself better.
- But, did you open it? - Old friend John asked, sitting on the porch's bench by his side.
Jungkook continued looking up over the house on the other side of the road at the gray-blue sky. Hugging his middle and tugging the fabric of his sweater between two fingers, he answered.
- No. I didn't want to risk it. But I also think I still have things to think about while it's closed, you know? -
- Yes. Unpacking has a process, boy. You can't expect to hang your clothes neatly in a closet if you haven't opened your bags. - He said with a gentle but rough voice.
Jungkook exhaled a sharp little laugh, grinning.
- That's the strange thing. I was certain I had already gone with the whole process but now I'm turning back around and finding my bag closed once more. -
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