I Let Myself Hope

13 ● Jesper ● 8.08.2027

August 8th, 2027

Jesper, New York

I had a bad feeling about something the whole day, so I decided to go visit Yohan a little sooner than I always did. And when I walked into the neurological ward, I saw people running around. It was pure chaos. That's what got me worried. That's why I started running. I ran like crazy to his room, and when I was close enough, I realized that all those people were running here as well. I heard angry screaming from Malcolm, then I heard the paddles and that got me even more worried.

I barged into the room and noticed Malcolm doing CPR on Yohan. Next to him stood a nurse holding paddles, and on the other side another one with a syringe in her hand, ready to put something in the IV. Though that was just it. Those nurses were standing as if they were ready to do something, but they weren't about to actually do it. They were standing still, everyone was. All of a sudden there was dead silence in the room, nobody spoke. There was no other noise besides Malcolm breathing heavily over Yohan, doing chest compressions, and an annoying noise from the monitor with a flat line.

"Doctor Reed, it's been too long," some nurse said to Malcolm, with a sad face. Too long? What was too long? What the hell was happening? "You should stop," she added. Stop what?

"I can't stop," Malcolm said, panting heavily, still not stopping what he was doing. "You have to call it," the other nurse spoke. "I can't!" Malcolm yelled at her.

I saw all those people leave the room, besides Malcolm, who couldn't stop doing the compressions, and that one nurse, still holding the paddles. "M-Malcolm?" I finally spoke, to make my presence known. And that made him stop. He stilled and then withdrew his hands and looked up at me with glassy eyes, not saying a thing. The only noise now was that stupid, obnoxiously loud monitor, signaling something I wasn't ready for, something I didn't want to accept.

"Time of death-" The nurse spoke, but I didn't let her finish. "Don't!" I exclaimed desperately. Please no, not now, not yet. You can't say it. You can't. If you say it, it will become the reality. And fuck, this can't be the reality.

I came closer to them, wanting to jump there and to the fucking chest compressions as well, but then the room went dark and I didn't know what was going on. Everyone was gone, everything was gone. The noise from the monitor was replaced with some other sound, something that I recognized from somewhere.

When I opened my eyes, I- Oh. I was in my room. And I heard my fucking alarm. Shit, was that a dream? More like a nightmare. Did I just dream about Yohan dying? Wait, but why would I dream about that? It wasn't normal at all, right? Fuck, I shouldn't be dreaming about something like that. It wasn't a good sign. At all.

That's why I jumped out of bed like I was burned and dressed as quickly as I could, and then I ran to the hospital. I didn't live that far, so it didn't take me too long. About fifteen minutes later I was already walking into Yohan's room, happy to see that there were no nurses inside, no Malcolm, and no annoying noises. Just one doctor. That new guy Malcolm hired – the hot one.

"Chief," he spoke, a little surprised to see me. "What are you doing here, isn't it your day off?" He asked. Sure, it was my day off today, in fact. I would come here sooner or later anyway, since I came to see Yohan every day, even twice a day. I guess he wasn't really surprised to see me in Yohan's room though. Maybe Malcolm told him about everything, or maybe he's seen me here before.