I Let Myself Hope

29 ● Jesper ● 1.09.2027

September 1st, 2027

Jesper, New York

The surgery was scheduled for this evening and I still haven't seen Malcolm. It was already pretty late in the afternoon and he wasn't here. We didn't talk during his leave, because he honestly needed some alone time, but he texted me that he'd be here today. That's why I'm fucking worried, because it's late and he's not here. He still had an hour before the surgery would start, but damn it, he needed to prepare for it as well.

Yohan was already in pre-op and everybody was running like crazy to have everything ready, and Malcolm had the audacity to make us wait. I believed in him, I really did, but at this point, I started thinking that something must have happened to him and that he wouldn't be able to operate tonight. Or ever. I was writing my own crazy scenarios in my head, because I was stressed as hell.

I was in the OR wing right now, overseeing everything, and also kind of hoping that I wouldn't have to see anyone today, anyone I know at least, people from the family. I haven't talked to Sam, because I didn't feel the need to. I knew that Jia was somewhere in here, waiting. Jisoo and Cooper were obviously at work too, but they had their own things to worry about, though they did know about the surgery. That's why I asked Jisoo not to operate today, because I knew she'd be nervous.

"Chief, maybe you should call Doctor Reed," Doctor Sims said to me, walking out of the OR to the scrub room, where I was panicking internally. "Everything is almost ready, all we need to do is just bring the patient here."

Yeah, I could call him. If only he'd pick up.

"Ava, I'm sure he'll be here soon," I smiled at her politely, and then I turned around to look at the people in the OR. Besides Ava, there were two residents, four nurses and an anesthesiologist. Malcolm chose all of those people himself, which meant that they were the best we've got. That's why he also asked Ava to assist him, because she was brilliant. He obviously could have chosen Lucas as well, but he was really careful about him lately, ever since he figured out that Lucas likes me.

"And what if he won't?" Ava looked at me with a serious expression on her face. I've never seen her like that. She was always calm and organized and patient, she never panicked. I guess today was a special occasion for the two of us. Then again, I always tend to panic. At least when it comes to Yohan, whether he lives or dies.

"He has to," I said sternly. "He promised me."

And I'll stick to that no matter what. He's going to be here any second, I know he will. I just hope that he didn't run into Jisoo or his mother on the way here, because those two would definitely be the reason for him not to come. God, please, don't let him run into them.

"Maybe something happened, or-"

No, nothing happened, he's fine, he'll be here.

"There's still an hour, Doctor Sims. He'll show up," I said, wanting to reassure her, though I'm pretty sure that I wanted to convince myself as well. It's not like I was starting to lose hope, but damn it, he should be here by now.

I swear I'm going to kill Jisoo.

She shouldn't mess with his head.

She knew Yohan's surgery was coming up.