I Let Myself Hope

35 ● Yohan ● 2.09.2027

September 2nd, 2027

Yohan, New York

Suddenly waking up and finding out that it's been a few years is definitely not something I'd expect, but it was for sure interesting. I found it a little tragic, if I'm being honest. After all, it was a little over four years, that's a lot of time. That's like a fourth of Joey's life. That's fucking mental. I can't believe I missed a fourth of my kid's life.

But that wasn't even the biggest problem. I'd say one of my biggest fears right now would definitely have to be my condition. The fact that I was laying in the CCU after a complicated brain surgery, the pacemaker that I apparently had and a thousand other things, like the fact that my sight wasn't that great. I mean, I did see, but I'd definitely need glasses, like serious ones. All of that meant that coming back to work was out of the question, god knows for how long.

I knew that the drowsiness and fatigue will pass soon, but the fact that I suddenly couldn't even see the time on the clock right in front of me, signalized that I needed much more time to recover than I originally thought. I wondered if it was even something I could recover from. Maybe I'd seriously need to get glasses. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, considering that I almost died. Having glasses was nothing compared to everything I've been through. And the heart problems? I didn't expect something like that to come out of all of this. I wondered how serious it must have been that they decided to give me a pacemaker. I probably must have almost died like a hundred times in here.

That's why it surprises me that I'm still here. I could have died. I should have died. I've been through some serious stuff, from what Jesper told me. They're all surprised I survived as well. It's seriously a miracle or something like that, I should be dead. And if not that, they should have let me go. After so many years, I'm surprised they didn't. I guess I have to thank Jesper for that, I know he'd never be able to let me go. Can't really blame him.

"Good evening, Doctor Lee," I suddenly heard someone's voice and looked at the door. I've been alone for a while now, since Jesper needed to go back to work and he said that Malcolm needed to do some tests, so I guess the guy had to come here to do just that. And I think I recognized his voice from before.

"It's Lucas, right?" I asked, just to be sure, though I'm pretty confident that I remembered it well.

He looked at me a little stunned, probably surprised that I knew his name. I guess it's only natural to be weirded out, since we never met before. "Yep, that'd be me," the guy nodded right away a little awkwardly. "I'm here to draw your blood," he said then and came a little closer with the whole kit.

Now I was the one surprised. "Shouldn't a nurse be doing that?" I asked, frowning at him. He was an attending, wasn't he? Why was he walking around doing blood-work?

Lucas snorted at that. "Yeah, Doctor Reed doesn't really trust nurses," he said, like it was so obvious. That sounded like Malcolm, to be fair. "Definitely not when it comes to you," he added. Now I don't know, should I feel special about it?

"And he trusts you?" I asked, a little suspicious. Malcolm didn't trust anybody, let's start there. I could be an exception, though I wouldn't dare to admit it. Maybe Jesper as well. Definitely not some young doctor.

"Well, when it comes to his neuro team, then yeah, I'd say I'm pretty high up on that list, considering that he almost fired the other attending he recently hired along with me," Lucas explained, shrugging. "And all because of how she acted during your surgery, that I wasn't even invited to."