I Let Myself Hope

27 ● Jesper ● 26.08.2027

August 26th, 2027

Jesper, New York

To say that I was worried was a bit of an understatement. Of course I believed in Malcolm and I knew he'd be fine, that he'd gather himself and come back just in time for Yohan's surgery, but still, I was concerned. I've never seen him in a state quite like last night, which is what worried me the most. He's been drunk a couple of times before and he was a lightweight, so that was to be expected, but yesterday, I noticed something different. He simply seemed broken, and it was all Jisoo's fault.

I thought it was pretty sad that she clearly loved the both of them, but chose Cooper in the end. I was so fucking sure she wanted to be with Malcolm, I'd bet my life on it. They've been dancing around each other for years and I truly hoped that things would work out between them. Unfortunately that wasn't the case, since Jisoo decided to be cruel and crush his dreams, along with his personality and confidence and whatnot. I'm really worried that Mal won't recover from that. She's literally the only girl he's ever been with and it must hurt like a bitch, the fact that he basically waited for her for so long, and she chose someone else. A moron at that.

Anyways, Malcolm being gone for the next few days meant that the hospital was in a bit of a crisis, considering the fact that he was our head of neurosurgery. Thankfully Ava and Lucas were great surgeons as well, so I figured they'd do just fine without him.

Just as I was reassigning all of Mal's surgeries on the board, Lucas came up to me, looking confused. "Chief, why are all of doctor Reed's surgeries assigned to me?" He asked, looking at the board.

"You get all of his surgeries and Ava is assigned to Yohan for the time being. Doctor Reed has taken some personal days," I explained.

"Oh my god, did someone die?" Lucas asked.

Yeah, he did. "Malcolm just needs a few days to gather his thoughts," I answered as simply as I could. I wasn't about to tell him all about Malcolm's life story, because I promised Mal I'd keep my distance from Lucas.

"Right before Doctor Lee's surgery?" Lucas frowned at me, clearly confused about the whole situation. I'd be too if I was him. After all it was Malcolm who scheduled the surgery recently, and now he's suddenly gone. It does sound suspicious.

"You can thank another doctor Lee for that," I said before I could stop myself. Well shit, it wasn't supposed to come out of my mouth. Stupid, stupid idiot. "You don't have to worry about it, Lucas. It's a personal matter, which means it's none of your business. He'll be back for Yohan's surgery, so all you have to do until then is just take over his other surgeries. You should be fine with that."

I didn't want to argue with him about it or have him ask personal questions, so I just left him standing there and decided to go see Jisoo. Thankfully I didn't have to go far, because she was just walking out of one of her surgeries, so I just caught up with her quickly.

"I'm disappointed in you," I said as soon as I was close enough so she could hear me. "I really thought you were smarter than that, Jisoo. Coop? Seriously, Coop? Over Malcolm? That's not even pathetic, it's just straight up sad," I said, wanting her to feel guilty about the decision she made.

"What did he tell you?" Jisoo asked, clearly confused about my outrage.

"He was a bit too drunk to say much, but luckily I'm smart enough to figure shit out," I explained. "You broke his heart, Jisoo. Into tiny little pieces that are never going to put themselves back together."

"Look, Jes," she suddenly stopped and looked at me with a serious face. "We're not like you and Yohan. We're not some epic childhood romance. It's real life. We were sleeping together in college and then he left. We were never really a couple or anything serious. But Coop? He is serious and he's committed to me, so I chose him, because we've been in a relationship for a long time and we work together. Malcolm is the one playing a desperate kid, living a fairytale. He left me. He was never serious enough about us and I'm tired of our relationship being like will we or won't we. I chose Cooper, because I wanted to, and he has to deal with it."

"He may have left you, but you know why he did it. He was head over heels for you and he thought you were just using him back in college. He was terrified of telling you the truth, because he knew you'd get scared or mad about it," I pointed out, because I knew a bit about their relationship. It's all thanks to Malcolm being drunk a couple of times.

"I'm not going to argue with you about it now, Jes," she said exasperated. "No offense, but this isn't really your concern. It's my decision who I choose to spend my life with. And while I appreciate you being a good friend to Malcolm, I suggest you to fuck off."

"Did you know that he took a leave from work?" I asked, knowing that she'd be concerned about it. After all, Malcolm was a workaholic and he never took any days off. He must have been pretty fucked up if he didn't come to work and she knew that.

She looked at me with wide eyes and a big frown on her face. "Right before Yohan's surgery? Because of me?" Jisoo asked a little annoyed. Wait, why was she annoyed? She's the one who made him leave.

"Yeah, should have thought twice about breaking his heart not even a week before your brother's surgery," I shrugged. I was being petty and I wasn't about to stop. If Malcolm doesn't come back, or if he comes back and fucks up, I'm going to blame Jisoo for everything.

"Fuck you, Jesper," she said angrily. I understood why she was mad, I may have crossed some lines, but I was fucking angry as well. Yohan's life depended on Malcolm's wellbeing and Jisoo basically broke him. "You don't get to judge me or shit on me. Stay out of this. I'm sure Malcolm is going to come back for the surgery and he'll be just fine. He wouldn't let Yohan down. Not him."

"Just in case he doesn't come back," I spoke when I saw that she was about to leave. "Be sure that it's on you, Jisoo. If something happens to Malcolm, or Yohan, I want you to know that it's going to be your fault and yours only."

"If something happens to Yohan during surgery, it's going to be the leading surgeon's fault," Jisoo pointed out, looking at me exasperated. "Meaning Malcolm, that is if he even shows up. But I'm sure he will. Now if you don't mind Jesper, I have another surgery to get to. I suggest you go and mind your own business too."